Hello everyone ! I've got the feels to blog tonight so here I am hehehe ^^ Many things have happened the past week and they aren't really very pleasant stuff I would say. But it got me thinking a lot.
I wonder if I could really put my 100% trust in the people around me.
I wonder if people are really genuine in their friendship with me.
I wonder if people truly care or are just kpo.
I wonder if they wanted to know more so they can help or just so that they have more to gossip about.
I wonder if they're really who they portray themselves to be infront of me.
I've always trusted the people around me. Sharing things and being open with them. I didn't think much of whether the things I shared would be kept between the person and I. I didn't bother much because I didn't think that it would affect me. But things started to happened and I can say that I lost trust in people.
I was afraid, really afraid. I guess I still am, a little. Because I didn't know that this was such a scary place to be in. I thought everyone was genuine with each other and truly wanted to invest in friendships, but I was wrong. I guess it was just me who thought that way. I started to see how people really are and I started to question their intentions. During the entire 3 days of shit, there was just this weird feeling in me. I go to school thinking if the person I talk to next would start spreading shit about me that ain't true. My mood was really low because I was confused with everything. It was really overwhelming for me.
I don't understand how people think at times, but I can't blame them either. Truth is, we're just friends and there's really nothing going on. Whether you people out there choose to believe it or not, our conscience is clear. I'm happy that things are much better now and I just hope there won't be a repeat of such stuff.
Okay, that's all I have to say. Reading it through again and it feels so emo nemo HAHAHA. These are just the unpleasant stuff that happened, there were good stuff as well but I'll leave it for another time. Hehehehe okay bye (:
Friday, 10 July 2015
Sunday, 21 June 2015
Hello everyone !
So I'm back with another blog post and this is gonna be a little different I guess ? I have been thinking a lot recently and yeah why not just write them all here right ? So here goes.....
I miss being loved.
I miss having someone by my side.
I miss goodnight texts.
I miss waking up to the texts from the person I love.
The late night phone and video calls.
Cuddling and just enjoying each other's presence.
But, I miss loving and caring for someone more.
I miss writing post-its to the one I love.
I miss planning random surprises.
I miss giving hugs and kisses.
Running into his arms when I see him from afar.
Buying little gifts just to put a smile on his face.
Giving in just so there won't be a big fight.
To be really honest, I miss having a boyfriend.
Because I know that I have so much to give.
I've learnt so much from my past relationship.
I've learnt how to better love someone.
But then again, I'm afraid.
What if one day he finds someone better than me ?
What if he gets annoyed with me ?
What if he gets bored of me ?
I'm afraid to love again.
Because I gave so much and all I got in return was so much pain and hurt.
I'm afraid that he will leave realizing that I'm not good enough for him.
I'm afraid of break-ups.
I don't want to go through another tough time of endless crying and swollen eyes.
Of breaking down when people ask me about it.
I'm really scared.
But I know, one day, I'll find the one who will love me for who I am.
Who will never leave no matter what happens.
One who would be willing to take walks with me in the park rather than going to shopping malls.
One who would just cuddle with me rather than going on expensive dates.
One who would just have macs with me.
One who wouldn't call me annoying when I start singing but instead, sing with me.
One who would be silly with me and take retarded selfies.
One who can stand my extreme laziness.
One day, I'll be able to find that one.
I'm really excited for what's to come.
I'm looking forward (:
I miss having someone by my side.
I miss goodnight texts.
I miss waking up to the texts from the person I love.
The late night phone and video calls.
Cuddling and just enjoying each other's presence.
But, I miss loving and caring for someone more.
I miss writing post-its to the one I love.
I miss planning random surprises.
I miss giving hugs and kisses.
Running into his arms when I see him from afar.
Buying little gifts just to put a smile on his face.
Giving in just so there won't be a big fight.
To be really honest, I miss having a boyfriend.
Because I know that I have so much to give.
I've learnt so much from my past relationship.
I've learnt how to better love someone.
But then again, I'm afraid.
What if one day he finds someone better than me ?
What if he gets annoyed with me ?
What if he gets bored of me ?
I'm afraid to love again.
Because I gave so much and all I got in return was so much pain and hurt.
I'm afraid that he will leave realizing that I'm not good enough for him.
I'm afraid of break-ups.
I don't want to go through another tough time of endless crying and swollen eyes.
Of breaking down when people ask me about it.
I'm really scared.
But I know, one day, I'll find the one who will love me for who I am.
Who will never leave no matter what happens.
One who would be willing to take walks with me in the park rather than going to shopping malls.
One who would just cuddle with me rather than going on expensive dates.
One who would just have macs with me.
One who wouldn't call me annoying when I start singing but instead, sing with me.
One who would be silly with me and take retarded selfies.
One who can stand my extreme laziness.
One day, I'll be able to find that one.
I'm really excited for what's to come.
I'm looking forward (:
Saturday, 30 May 2015
Thoughts.
Dayre isn't enough for me to express all my thoughts so I shall just put them all here. I also reread my previous posts and realize they're all so lengthy and hard to read. Shall change the style a bit and see if it's better. So here goes....
If only you would understand how I feel. It's really ironic how you say you miss everything and all but yet your actions show otherwise. Stop making me confuse, make a decision and stick to it. You're not even proving yourself. No action, talk only. Why am I even surprised right ? It has always been like this. And if you're only coming up with this 'conclusion' after reading whatever I've said on my dayre, then sure, just leave because you're not even worth it. I need someone who's willing to fight for me. And obviously, you aren't gonna do that.
If only you would understand how I feel. It's really ironic how you say you miss everything and all but yet your actions show otherwise. Stop making me confuse, make a decision and stick to it. You're not even proving yourself. No action, talk only. Why am I even surprised right ? It has always been like this. And if you're only coming up with this 'conclusion' after reading whatever I've said on my dayre, then sure, just leave because you're not even worth it. I need someone who's willing to fight for me. And obviously, you aren't gonna do that.
You don't miss me, you miss the memories.
You don't miss me, you only miss the things you can do with me.
If you truly missed me, you would've talked to me and at least try again. But no you didn't. You don't even say hi to me in school when you walk past me. So much for missing me ? And for goodness sake, stop saying stuff that you don't mean. I'm not gonna be vulnerable anymore before you. I'm gonna stand my ground because I'm not gonna let you use me again. Tired of being your puppet. Tired of being your sidekick. You made me feel so worthless, as if I'm not important at all. All I ever was to you was someone you come to and find comfort in when you have no one else to turn to. You take it for granted that I'll always be here for you. Screw you for that.
"You deserve someone so much better Shannon.
Move on and you'll find someone who's so much more worth your time and effort."
Yeah I agree. I'm already on my way to 100% getting over you because you aren't worth my time. You were supposed to think through your feelings and get back to me. I thought you were gonna prove me wrong but well, you're still the same. It's fine, really. You're not important anymore. I rather
invest my time into other things that are more worth.
And you. I appreciate that you're being so nice to me and that you've told me those stuff. Thank you for being brave and for being honest with me. However, I'm just caught up with many things now and I really need some time away to think through everything. I'm not ready yet and I'm not sure when I will ever be ready. I don't want to be giving you high hopes because I never know what might happen in the future. What if I reject you in the end and you get hurt ? Then words will spread and I will be labelled as a bitch for giving you high hopes which I might not even know of. Sure we can continue talking, but, it would just be as friends. Boundaries have to be set and you have to watch your words. We are not even together and you're growing so attached already ? This isn't a good thing at all. You need to know your limits. It's starting to get a little annoying or maybe it's just me being so irritated with everything that's going on. Let's just give each other time.
And there's so much more that's bothering me and I'm really really really tired...
MSTs are coming and I'm gonna be so screwed for it. I want to do well but ugh, I can't seem to concentrate on studying with so many things going on in my head. Feel like I wasted my entire Saturday away ): Sometimes I just need someone who will always be there and will tahan all my shit and emotional breakdowns. Just a simple are you okay will really help. Oh wells, I need to get my shit together and get through this.
Oh one more thing ! This is a happy one. I was just texting one of my close girl friends last night and we had a really good talk even though it was a short one. That made me realize how much I miss my secondary school friends and how life in secondary school was so much more simpler. And have I ever mentioned how much I love to see the people around me happy ? Yeah, I guess I did manage to cheer her up a little and it made me feel better as well. I love seeing people happy, like genuinely happy. I'm trying to find that genuine happiness as well. Yes, I'm always smiling and laughing, I seem to be very happy. But am I truly happy ? Oh wells, no mater what, I'm still gonna try to find joy in little things and smile all the time.
And it's still lengthy la omgggg I tried okay...... Okay la that's all for this one. I'll blog again when I have something to talk about or when I have nothing else to do hehehe bye (:
Thursday, 14 May 2015
HELLO ^^
HELLO ! So it's been 2 months since my last blog post and since I'm free, I decided to do one !
Many things have happen the past 2 months, be it good or bad. Poly have already started for me and oh my goodness I'm feeling very stress already because of the many assignments that are given to us. But it's okay, I'll get through this. And also, HSS FO ended about a month ago and it was really fun ! Met many new people and my GLs were really nice and welcoming ! The games we played during FO were great as well ! Never regretted coming into HSS because HSS is a small school compared to the other schools and that's really good because we're like a family. Almost everyone knows each other or have at least seen each other around before. It's really cool also because HSS won the Olympiad this year. It's been very long since HSS won so this year's win was a huge one !
Moving on, I've made new friends in my class and they're all really nice ! My clique consists of 9 girls and I guess my clique is the craziest in the class. Always making a lot of noise and all, during lectures as well. But yeah, really thankful for this bunch of girls. Although we just met not long ago, they are really my good friends. They are the ones who make me look forward to coming to school. They make school so much more bearable for me ! We also coordinate our outfits and it's really funny cos one day we decided to all wear jeans and omg worst decision ever because it was really humid that day ! Since then, we never proposed wearing jeans hahahahahahahahha.
And here comes the rather sad part. I find it weird how out of thousands of people in TP, I still see you around. We are both from different schools and our classes are at different places but yet we still bump into each other ? My friends used to tell me 'Aiya, TP so big, confirm you both won't see each other one. Plus you both from different schools eh.' I agreed very much with them in the past, what's the odds of seeing each other in school right. And it's like 1% of the reason why I chose ECS is because I won't see you. If not confirm see you every week at least once in lecture hall cos we would be in the same course. But like no use ah because I still see you around leh. But I'm happy to say that I'm better now emotionally compared to before. Last time when I see you in school, I would try my best to ignore or to just not care because I would be reminded of the memories and would get really sad. But now, I would say hi to you when we see each other in school because you're just like a friend to me now, not much of an ex. We met last Sunday and I am really glad we had that short catch up. It somehow affirmed the decision that I made awhile ago. Letting go of someone whom you held so dear to your heart is really not easy at all. It takes many many many nights of crying and many many tubs of, erm, ice cream and tons of food. It is not impossible, it just takes time. There would be times where you really want to give up and to just poof, disappear from this world. I had that thought but I'm glad I held on. There would be times where you really want to just go back into his/her arms but you realise and cry over the fact that it's over. Sometimes I ask myself, why do people get into a relationship only to break up in the end ? Why start something that you are gonna end ? I don't get it, up till now, I still don't. It just sucks la to be going through all this shit. But ultimately, my mind is set on the decision that I have to let go and I have to get over you because this isn't worth my time. I have better things to worry and to care about. I rather spend my time investing in friendships than brooding over something that is of no use to me. Save those tears because it isn't worth it. I just hope you're doing fine and please don't tease me anymore with any other guy. I'm not ready and probably won't be until a very long time later. Putting all these to an end and I'm on my road to recovery and being 100% happy (:
Okay enough of those emo nemo. Recently, I went for Music Vox Auditions ! I went with my good friend Germaine and we were so nervous. First round of auditions was last week and we were really unsure of how it would turn out. I still remember that I was still unsure of my song choice until the day itself. After much contemplation, I decided to sing The Show by Lenka ! While I was backstage waiting for my turn to go up, I was so so so super nervous. And here's the thing, when I'm nervous or when I sing infront of a large crowd of people whom are unfamiliar to me, my cheeks would shiver (?) and I won't be able to sing well. However, when I went on stage, my cheeks didn't shiver as much as I thought it would ???? And plus I embarassed myself oh my goodness. So normally people would say the song they're gonna sing before they start singing but I didn't and jumped straight into it. And then I stopped and was like 'Oh oh oh yeah, I'm singing The Show by Lenka.' When I did this, everyone in the audi laughed and I laughed as well. This helped boost my confidence a little because I felt more relaxed. And so I started singing and I was really happy because I think I did quite well ! The results were gonna be out probably like on Friday or something so I just waited. I was just sitting at MP on last Friday evening and my phone vibrated. I checked and was like 'OMG I GOT IN OMG OMG OMG !!!!!!!!' I was literally so happy I squealed and hugged my friends ! The amount of happiness that day was really too much ! I've never felt so happy before in a long time and I'm really grateful that I got through to the second round ! Germaine got through as well so YAY ! And then, we needed to worry for second round audition which happened earlier this week. Germaine and I went on Tuesday. Same thing, I was unsure of what to sing. At first I wanted to sing Put Your Records On but when I was typing into the laptop, I realised that there were many others who were singing that song as well ! So I decided to change to I Can't Make You Love Me instead. BUT THEN, when I was in the audi and the contestants started singing, I decided to change back again. So I ended up singing Put Your Records On. This time, I came out of auditions feeling very down because I felt as if I could've done better. The high notes were not as smooth ): It also took me quite awhile to figure out the key they wanted me to transpose to. But at least the harmonising part was still ok ! I just hope that I would be able to get in because I really like to sing. My voice isn't the nicest and there's still a lot I need to learn but yeah I really really really wish I can get in >< Let's just see the results tmr ! If I get in, I swear I'll go crazy and start hugging everyone. Ok maybe not everyone but yaaaaaaaaaa.
So it's 230am now, I should go to sleep. HEHEHE GOODNIGHT ^^
Thursday, 12 March 2015
Feelings and what not
Hello everyone ! I'm back again with another post hehehehe ^^
So I was just lazing around and thought I would just blog since I have nothing else to do. I actually really have no idea what to blog about in the first place but I guess I shall just blog about my feelings ? Hahaha so here goes ~
Recently, I haven't been feeling very well emotionally. I broke down a lot and cried a lot the past few nights. I literally feel very hurt by this person and I feel like I'm being made use of. In fact, I've already felt this way a long time back but I always tell myself that nahh I'm just thinking too much. It's like on the day we go out, you're nice and sweet to me and all. You make me feel loved again and make me happy again. You make me feel like yeah you deserve another chance, you'll change for the better. However, it was all fake. It was just a 'one day show' and once it's the next day, everything goes back to normal again. Normal being you not caring about me and treating me like shit again. I always tell myself that you have your good points, not everything about you is bad. I always tell myself that you deserve a second chance ( tbh, I don't think it's only the 2nd, more than that alr ) But yeah, I always tell myself that you will one day wake up and realize what has been happening the past few months. Never have I been affected so much by something like this and it really pains me to be feeling like this all the time. I always ask myself what I did wrong to deserve all this hurt and all this pain. I know that I might have done wrong at some points but I'm pretty sure I've never stopped loving you. Thinking back, I have no idea how I forgave you for the things you've done to me during our r/s. I had no idea how I managed to look past all those and continue on with you. But the fact is I did. Isn't that enough to show you my effort ? And no, I'm not blaming you for all those. I just need you to think back, realize and understand the effort I've put in.All the small notes I wrote to you just to encourage you or just to make you happy. The surprise I planned for you with your bros. Just wake up and realize that even after you sort of cheated on me twice and disappointed me countless of times, I still forgave you and still stood by your side. Even after all the things others said of you, I still stood by you. And yes, I know you did as well. And I know you'll probably say I caused your friendship with some of your friends to be affected but look, I did tell you to spend time with them as well so that they won't say shit but you chose to spend time with me. Yes, I appreciate that but at the end of the day, don't blame me or push everything to me when those people start saying stuff. You might also say that I always want to tag along when you're with your friends and stuff. Truth is, yeah I do. But that's cos I want to be part of you life and to know your friends so that I'll somehow be able to know you as well. If you don't want me to go along then sure. And I'm pretty sure I have let you go out with your bros as well, I didn't really stop you. But oh wells, all of that is over.
And also, I've been starting to really be super angry with myself. I have no idea why but at the end of the day, I blame myself. I hate myself for letting you make use of me. I hate myself for falling into your 'trap' again and again. I hate myself for letting all of my leaders and close friends down when I go back to you again. I know that there are people who are angry with me and are upset with me because of my actions I'm truly sorry to those that I've let down. It's really not easy for me and I know that you guys are trying to help me. I'm struggling as well. All of your opinion really do mean a lot to me. Even though most of the time I fail to listen, I still will think of the words that all of you say. Being called cheap and all those stuff. I know that maybe you people said those stuff to somehow wake me up and motivate me but it does hurt me a hell lot too. I cried when I saw those stuff and I started to really think, am I that bad a person ? I hate letting the people around me down and I really am trying. I'm stuck in between and I really can't take it anymore. Every single night I'm feeling like shit and I blame myself for not hitting all of your ( leader's and friend's ) expectations of me. I hate myself for being like this. And it's very easy for all of you to say, then stop going back, stop caring for him, stop talking to him. But you guys have no idea what I'm going through, really..... There were many times I literally wanted to end my life but I tell myself, I have managed to hold on for so long, surely I can and surely I'll be able to get over all of this. I honestly never knew that it would hurt me so much and that I would take THIS long to get over it. It's already been 3 months. I'm hurting so badly even though on the outside I'm smiling so happily. I'm breaking down even though I tell people that I'm fine and that I'll get over it soon. Sigh, I want to be strong again. I want to be happy 24/7 and I don't want to be feeling this hurt because ugh it sucks and it isn't healthy for me at all.
And you probably wouldn't read this but if you do ( you know who you are ), then please realize the pain that I have felt and still am feeling up till today. You're not perfect but I accepted you for who you were. You yourself said that you never thought I would love someone like you but the truth is I did. And shouldn't you embrace it ? Sigh, it's all too late now.
How I wish that everything is still going okay like how it was before you went for TPrawks. How I wish that you didn't go for that event which caused you to become who you are now. I'm not blaming that event or whatever but I'm just sad to see how loving you were towards me and how everything changed after 19 November.
So yup, let's put all my negative feelings aside and talk about yesterday ( thursday ), I met up with Germs and we had lunch together at Togather cafe. The food was good and it was worth the money. Reasonable priced and I had a good time of sharing and fellowship with her. I'm really thankful for a leader like her that has such a genuine heart and love towards her members. When she first started leading ML30, I was a bit reluctant to share stuff with her cos I wasn't very uncomfortable as she was our new leader, However, as time went on, I became more open and I'm glad I did. I started sharing with her and she really helped me a lot. She would tell me stuff straight up in my face to sort of wake me up. Although she can be quite stern, she can also be very fun and encouraging. Sadly, she's gonna stop leading ML30 around June this year and ugh I'm so sad cos it's a whole new process of having another new cell leader and having to adapt again. Or maybe we won't even have another cell leader joining us but we'll see how things goes. And also, she shared with me her love story and I'm really very happy and excited for her. Joshua is a really good guy and their relationship is such a God-centered and God-honouring one. It really touched my heart when she shared with me her story because this is what I yearn for, this is what I want for myself in the future after going through what I went through the past few months. Germs also gave me a challenge for my first year in Poly, I'm gonna try my best and do whatever it takes to conquer that. It might be hard but I guess I really need to be more convicted in order to do whatever she told me. This year is gonna be a crazy year, I'm kinda excited but yet, kinda afraid. Oh wells, shall just see how everything goes.
That's all for this one. My eyes are really puffy and painful already so I shall head to bed. Have a good rest (:
So I was just lazing around and thought I would just blog since I have nothing else to do. I actually really have no idea what to blog about in the first place but I guess I shall just blog about my feelings ? Hahaha so here goes ~
Recently, I haven't been feeling very well emotionally. I broke down a lot and cried a lot the past few nights. I literally feel very hurt by this person and I feel like I'm being made use of. In fact, I've already felt this way a long time back but I always tell myself that nahh I'm just thinking too much. It's like on the day we go out, you're nice and sweet to me and all. You make me feel loved again and make me happy again. You make me feel like yeah you deserve another chance, you'll change for the better. However, it was all fake. It was just a 'one day show' and once it's the next day, everything goes back to normal again. Normal being you not caring about me and treating me like shit again. I always tell myself that you have your good points, not everything about you is bad. I always tell myself that you deserve a second chance ( tbh, I don't think it's only the 2nd, more than that alr ) But yeah, I always tell myself that you will one day wake up and realize what has been happening the past few months. Never have I been affected so much by something like this and it really pains me to be feeling like this all the time. I always ask myself what I did wrong to deserve all this hurt and all this pain. I know that I might have done wrong at some points but I'm pretty sure I've never stopped loving you. Thinking back, I have no idea how I forgave you for the things you've done to me during our r/s. I had no idea how I managed to look past all those and continue on with you. But the fact is I did. Isn't that enough to show you my effort ? And no, I'm not blaming you for all those. I just need you to think back, realize and understand the effort I've put in.All the small notes I wrote to you just to encourage you or just to make you happy. The surprise I planned for you with your bros. Just wake up and realize that even after you sort of cheated on me twice and disappointed me countless of times, I still forgave you and still stood by your side. Even after all the things others said of you, I still stood by you. And yes, I know you did as well. And I know you'll probably say I caused your friendship with some of your friends to be affected but look, I did tell you to spend time with them as well so that they won't say shit but you chose to spend time with me. Yes, I appreciate that but at the end of the day, don't blame me or push everything to me when those people start saying stuff. You might also say that I always want to tag along when you're with your friends and stuff. Truth is, yeah I do. But that's cos I want to be part of you life and to know your friends so that I'll somehow be able to know you as well. If you don't want me to go along then sure. And I'm pretty sure I have let you go out with your bros as well, I didn't really stop you. But oh wells, all of that is over.
And also, I've been starting to really be super angry with myself. I have no idea why but at the end of the day, I blame myself. I hate myself for letting you make use of me. I hate myself for falling into your 'trap' again and again. I hate myself for letting all of my leaders and close friends down when I go back to you again. I know that there are people who are angry with me and are upset with me because of my actions I'm truly sorry to those that I've let down. It's really not easy for me and I know that you guys are trying to help me. I'm struggling as well. All of your opinion really do mean a lot to me. Even though most of the time I fail to listen, I still will think of the words that all of you say. Being called cheap and all those stuff. I know that maybe you people said those stuff to somehow wake me up and motivate me but it does hurt me a hell lot too. I cried when I saw those stuff and I started to really think, am I that bad a person ? I hate letting the people around me down and I really am trying. I'm stuck in between and I really can't take it anymore. Every single night I'm feeling like shit and I blame myself for not hitting all of your ( leader's and friend's ) expectations of me. I hate myself for being like this. And it's very easy for all of you to say, then stop going back, stop caring for him, stop talking to him. But you guys have no idea what I'm going through, really..... There were many times I literally wanted to end my life but I tell myself, I have managed to hold on for so long, surely I can and surely I'll be able to get over all of this. I honestly never knew that it would hurt me so much and that I would take THIS long to get over it. It's already been 3 months. I'm hurting so badly even though on the outside I'm smiling so happily. I'm breaking down even though I tell people that I'm fine and that I'll get over it soon. Sigh, I want to be strong again. I want to be happy 24/7 and I don't want to be feeling this hurt because ugh it sucks and it isn't healthy for me at all.
And you probably wouldn't read this but if you do ( you know who you are ), then please realize the pain that I have felt and still am feeling up till today. You're not perfect but I accepted you for who you were. You yourself said that you never thought I would love someone like you but the truth is I did. And shouldn't you embrace it ? Sigh, it's all too late now.
How I wish that everything is still going okay like how it was before you went for TPrawks. How I wish that you didn't go for that event which caused you to become who you are now. I'm not blaming that event or whatever but I'm just sad to see how loving you were towards me and how everything changed after 19 November.
So yup, let's put all my negative feelings aside and talk about yesterday ( thursday ), I met up with Germs and we had lunch together at Togather cafe. The food was good and it was worth the money. Reasonable priced and I had a good time of sharing and fellowship with her. I'm really thankful for a leader like her that has such a genuine heart and love towards her members. When she first started leading ML30, I was a bit reluctant to share stuff with her cos I wasn't very uncomfortable as she was our new leader, However, as time went on, I became more open and I'm glad I did. I started sharing with her and she really helped me a lot. She would tell me stuff straight up in my face to sort of wake me up. Although she can be quite stern, she can also be very fun and encouraging. Sadly, she's gonna stop leading ML30 around June this year and ugh I'm so sad cos it's a whole new process of having another new cell leader and having to adapt again. Or maybe we won't even have another cell leader joining us but we'll see how things goes. And also, she shared with me her love story and I'm really very happy and excited for her. Joshua is a really good guy and their relationship is such a God-centered and God-honouring one. It really touched my heart when she shared with me her story because this is what I yearn for, this is what I want for myself in the future after going through what I went through the past few months. Germs also gave me a challenge for my first year in Poly, I'm gonna try my best and do whatever it takes to conquer that. It might be hard but I guess I really need to be more convicted in order to do whatever she told me. This year is gonna be a crazy year, I'm kinda excited but yet, kinda afraid. Oh wells, shall just see how everything goes.
That's all for this one. My eyes are really puffy and painful already so I shall head to bed. Have a good rest (:
Tuesday, 24 February 2015
Cny + some stuff
Hello everyone ! (:
I'm back again with another blog post ^^ So now is like the CNY period and the past few days of cny visiting and all has been great ! (: Although I sleep suuuuper late the past few days, I still enjoyed visiting and gambling and definitely eating all the SUPER good food hehehe :p It's a yearly affair that my family would visit my dad's side and we would stay until 2+ or 3am gambling. And it's a standard thing for us to have bee hoon with eggs for supper and tea as well ! Every year chinese new year confirm have these few things ! This year I didn't really win a lot of money, in fact, I lost. But it's okay, play pay only la (:
Went to my grandparent's house on the first day for lunch before heading over to my uncle's place for dinner ! Kind of like the standard thing as well :3 Then second day is lunch at my aunt's place ( mum side ) before going to my another aunt's place ( dad side ) for dinner and gambling till late late. Third day we went to my aunt's place just for chit chat, super impromptu but yeah then went over to my another aunt's house for dinner and gambling again. And oh my gahhhh, had abalone porridge which was S U P E R good, I had two bowls of it hehehehe ! I really enjoyed day three because I would normally be gambling with the rest, however I took a break and went up to talk to my cousins. We had a really great time sharing and I'm glad because we were all very open and willing to listen as well as share ^^ Fourth day was church service in the morning and then went over to Yiroon's house and impromptu visiting to French's house ! Really enjoyed my time at French's house gambling and we played truth or dare. Intimate moments were shared during the truth or dare session and I guess I was happy that night ? However, that happiness didn't last for long......
Yup, we quarreled again. I really have no idea what you're thinking ( you know who you are ) and I don't know what you want from me. One moment you're telling me you still love me and you do think of wanting to get back together with me but another you're just so sian sian when talking to me and don't even seem to be putting in effort. Please make up your mind and tell me what you want. I'm freaking confused already and I really can't take all of this shit anymore. I have no idea why but I feel as if I'm the one that's constantly putting in effort to keep this friendship or whatever ship going. Whatever man. If you need me in your life then put me there. If not then just tell me and I'll just not care about you anymore. It's true when I think about what they told me. "He doesn't love you. He doesn't know what it means to love you." I am starting to really hate myself again for putting myself through this entire shit. Why do I forgive you time and time again ? I saw someone tweet this and I find it true "I wonder how many times we forgive someone just because we don't want to lose them even if they don't deserve our forgiveness." They all tell me you don't deserve all my care and my time but I didn't listen. They asked me why I kept forgiving you ? They reminded me of all the incidents of how you disappointed me when we were still together. They told me I forgave you so many times but still you choose to hurt me so why am I still caring for you ? This is exactly what I'm confused about. At times I really feel like just deleting you from my life but it's not as easy as it seems. I always have this soft spot for you and that's what I hate about myself. I read this caption on Multifolds' Instagram and I agree with it "I tried to figure out why you mean so much to me. I couldn't think of a single reason because there are just too many." Sigh. There are times when I cry so hard over you and I tell myself that I will never want to talk to you again in case I fall back and hurt myself but there are also times where I just miss you and miss everything. There are also times where I really feel like slapping you so hard and tell you to wake up. But, really, would I even do that ? I think I'll probably end up crying because I'm too angry. And that is what has been happening recently. I get super angry and super upset at your actions that I end up crying because I have no idea what to do. Seriously man, if you're reading this, just text me and tell me what you want from me. Don't tell me you want to be friends and end up hugging me when we meet. Don't tell me you want me back but end up not putting in a single effort. Don't tell me you need me in your life but don't put me there. Make a decision.
On a side note. the movie ABTM 3 is super good ! You all should go and watch it (:
Hehehe so yup, that's all for this post. Thanks for reading and bye bye ^^
I'm back again with another blog post ^^ So now is like the CNY period and the past few days of cny visiting and all has been great ! (: Although I sleep suuuuper late the past few days, I still enjoyed visiting and gambling and definitely eating all the SUPER good food hehehe :p It's a yearly affair that my family would visit my dad's side and we would stay until 2+ or 3am gambling. And it's a standard thing for us to have bee hoon with eggs for supper and tea as well ! Every year chinese new year confirm have these few things ! This year I didn't really win a lot of money, in fact, I lost. But it's okay, play pay only la (:
Went to my grandparent's house on the first day for lunch before heading over to my uncle's place for dinner ! Kind of like the standard thing as well :3 Then second day is lunch at my aunt's place ( mum side ) before going to my another aunt's place ( dad side ) for dinner and gambling till late late. Third day we went to my aunt's place just for chit chat, super impromptu but yeah then went over to my another aunt's house for dinner and gambling again. And oh my gahhhh, had abalone porridge which was S U P E R good, I had two bowls of it hehehehe ! I really enjoyed day three because I would normally be gambling with the rest, however I took a break and went up to talk to my cousins. We had a really great time sharing and I'm glad because we were all very open and willing to listen as well as share ^^ Fourth day was church service in the morning and then went over to Yiroon's house and impromptu visiting to French's house ! Really enjoyed my time at French's house gambling and we played truth or dare. Intimate moments were shared during the truth or dare session and I guess I was happy that night ? However, that happiness didn't last for long......
Yup, we quarreled again. I really have no idea what you're thinking ( you know who you are ) and I don't know what you want from me. One moment you're telling me you still love me and you do think of wanting to get back together with me but another you're just so sian sian when talking to me and don't even seem to be putting in effort. Please make up your mind and tell me what you want. I'm freaking confused already and I really can't take all of this shit anymore. I have no idea why but I feel as if I'm the one that's constantly putting in effort to keep this friendship or whatever ship going. Whatever man. If you need me in your life then put me there. If not then just tell me and I'll just not care about you anymore. It's true when I think about what they told me. "He doesn't love you. He doesn't know what it means to love you." I am starting to really hate myself again for putting myself through this entire shit. Why do I forgive you time and time again ? I saw someone tweet this and I find it true "I wonder how many times we forgive someone just because we don't want to lose them even if they don't deserve our forgiveness." They all tell me you don't deserve all my care and my time but I didn't listen. They asked me why I kept forgiving you ? They reminded me of all the incidents of how you disappointed me when we were still together. They told me I forgave you so many times but still you choose to hurt me so why am I still caring for you ? This is exactly what I'm confused about. At times I really feel like just deleting you from my life but it's not as easy as it seems. I always have this soft spot for you and that's what I hate about myself. I read this caption on Multifolds' Instagram and I agree with it "I tried to figure out why you mean so much to me. I couldn't think of a single reason because there are just too many." Sigh. There are times when I cry so hard over you and I tell myself that I will never want to talk to you again in case I fall back and hurt myself but there are also times where I just miss you and miss everything. There are also times where I really feel like slapping you so hard and tell you to wake up. But, really, would I even do that ? I think I'll probably end up crying because I'm too angry. And that is what has been happening recently. I get super angry and super upset at your actions that I end up crying because I have no idea what to do. Seriously man, if you're reading this, just text me and tell me what you want from me. Don't tell me you want to be friends and end up hugging me when we meet. Don't tell me you want me back but end up not putting in a single effort. Don't tell me you need me in your life but don't put me there. Make a decision.
On a side note. the movie ABTM 3 is super good ! You all should go and watch it (:
Hehehe so yup, that's all for this post. Thanks for reading and bye bye ^^
Monday, 9 February 2015
+/-
Hello everyone (:
I'm back again ! And this time, I have both positive and negative stuff to share and thus the title :3 Shall start with the happy things first (:
So I've got a new job ! I quit my previous job due to some personal issues and I didn't think I would find a job so fast cos I'm super lazy one but you see, when you honour God with your decisions, He will open new doors for you and yay I got a job ! The boss called me on Friday to talk to me and after saying a lot of stuff, I asked how much the pay was and she told me $6/hr. I was like 'Errrrr I'm sorry but I'm looking for at least $7/hr' and she was like 'Oh okay. I'll ask my daughter about it and if I call you back means okay la can $7/hr.' And so I waited for her call and like on Saturday, close to 2am in the morning, she called me back and said they can pay me $7/hr so yay !!!! I was happy because I got a job ! Though the pay is lesser than what my previous job offered, at least I'm having so much more fun and there's a direct bus from my house to my workplace which is just at pasir ris ! So near and super convenient (: Plus point is, there isn't any uniform and the people at my current workplace are all really nice and really helpful. My boss is nice as well ! Also, I don't have to take orders from customers and don't really have to entertain them that much hehehe :3 Working hours are not a lot as well. Currently working 3 hours on weekdays ( 3 days ) and 6 hours on Sunday. The 6 hours is like 12-3 and 6-9. So I have like a 3 hour break hehehehe. The last Sunday, I went to have lunch at Fish n Co with Zijian, a good friend I met through mission trip. He noticed that I was moody and tearing on the bus on the way to Malaysia on the first day of mission trip and he was the first to ask if I was okay. I was pretty shock actually when he came to sit beside me and talk to me because the bus we were on was big and there were tons of other empty seats but he chose to sit with me and comfort me. I was really grateful and yes, we are just purely good friends. So yup, we ate and catch up over good food and ice cream after that (: And I guess this coming Sunday would be the last time I'm working from 6-9 on Sundays because my mum say Sunday don't work so long. 3 hrs can already cos she's only free on Sundays and she wants me to go shopping with her so yeappp ! Oh ya ! I also learnt how to make drinks on my first day of work which was Sunday la ! I enjoy making drinks so much cos so fun and so cool ! And hor, whenever I'm thirsty right, I can always just make a drink for myself. My boss always say 'Shannon ! If you thirsty, just help yourself to the drinks ok !' Hahaha and yeah, the drink I always make for myself is Thai Ice Tea cos it's suuuuuper nice hehehe ^^ Still need to learn how to differentiate which food is which so I will be able to help more on the kitchen side. But still, my colleagues always help me one. They so helpful la I'm so blessed. Even the kitchen cook as well. Though they can't really speak english fluently ( they speak Thai !!! ), they still are patient with teaching me so woohoo !
Ok so that's the happy stuff. The sad stuff is that sigh, I'm really sick and tired of quarreling with you. You know who you are and ugh, I'm really tired already. I know you are too. I can't help it but always get remembered of how many girls you talk to and how you're oovooing this one girl almost every single night. You tell me you're sorry and that you need a friend like me but are you even sincere ? You tell me you've changed but have you ? I really have a super bad impression of those people that took you away from me. But ugh, which guy can get ' taken away' unless he's willing right ? And honestly, it really hurts me to know that you've been saying all those shit behind my back to other people. And you're saying them so that you will look like the good person when you yourself know and even admit that you're the one at fault. I'm not totally putting the blame on you because I know I'm at fault too as well for some of the stuff. But seriously, talking bad about me to your friends just so that you won't look bad is just..........ridiculous. How I wish those people know about all this because you make me seem as if I'm the worst person on earth when I really am not. Sigh. How I wish I have the chance to talk to every single one of those people you've talked bad about me too and change their impression of me. But obviously, I can't. And even if I have the chance too, the first impression you gave them of me is bad and it's hard to change already. Oh wells. And how I wished I actually kept every single thing to myself and not say anything to my friends. Then I'll die of sadness and die of hurt which will probably be good as well. I wouldn't have to handle all the shit thrown at me. I wouldn't have to go through such depressing times. I wouldn't have to cry myself to sleep so many times. I wouldn't have to go all out to defend you and protect you when people say bad stuff about you. I wouldn't be so depressed. I wouldn't have to handle jealousy. I wouldn't have to keep worrying if you're ever gonna leave me. I wouldn't have to go through so many quarrels with you. I wouldn't have to keep trying and trying to savage the r/s. I wouldn't have to tire myself everyday thinking of what to do to stop being so depressed. I wouldn't have to keep worrying when you get drunk. I wouldn't have to worry whether something has happened to you or not when you don't reply me. I wouldn't have to constantly worry and think if I'm good enough for you. I wouldn't have to go through hurt and be reminded of everything again when people ask if we're still together. And maybe I should died earlier so that we would end on a good note and you'll probably still cry over my dead body unlike now. Because if I die now, you would be happy because I'm gone. You'll be happier without me which kinda sucks to me because all I ever wanted was to bring out the best in you and make sure you're the happiest guy on earth when you're with me. However, I failed. I failed to bring you happiness. Ugh, this sucks so much because I really hate to be so negative. And I hate it even more when I'm thinking of suicidal thoughts. Sigh. When will all this ever stop ? ): Don't tell me you're sorry and you need me when you don't prove it. Please prove yourself. Your actions means a whole lot.............
Sigh, in need of a really big, long and tight hug. Like a really long one. Haven't got one for quite awhile already and ahhhh, I really need that right now. Someone pls ): Pineapple tarts would really make my day better as well ): Choir concert later, hopefully I'll be happy. And I don't wanna go home so early, I guess I'll walk around the esplanade alone if the rest wants to go back first. It will be late and dark but who cares, I need some kind of therapy.
Valentines Day in another 4 days. What's gonna happen on that day ? Any surprises ? Any gifts ? I guess not but at least I know I'm gonna give and I'm gonna find joy in giving.
That's all for this blog post. Bye bye (:
I'm back again ! And this time, I have both positive and negative stuff to share and thus the title :3 Shall start with the happy things first (:
So I've got a new job ! I quit my previous job due to some personal issues and I didn't think I would find a job so fast cos I'm super lazy one but you see, when you honour God with your decisions, He will open new doors for you and yay I got a job ! The boss called me on Friday to talk to me and after saying a lot of stuff, I asked how much the pay was and she told me $6/hr. I was like 'Errrrr I'm sorry but I'm looking for at least $7/hr' and she was like 'Oh okay. I'll ask my daughter about it and if I call you back means okay la can $7/hr.' And so I waited for her call and like on Saturday, close to 2am in the morning, she called me back and said they can pay me $7/hr so yay !!!! I was happy because I got a job ! Though the pay is lesser than what my previous job offered, at least I'm having so much more fun and there's a direct bus from my house to my workplace which is just at pasir ris ! So near and super convenient (: Plus point is, there isn't any uniform and the people at my current workplace are all really nice and really helpful. My boss is nice as well ! Also, I don't have to take orders from customers and don't really have to entertain them that much hehehe :3 Working hours are not a lot as well. Currently working 3 hours on weekdays ( 3 days ) and 6 hours on Sunday. The 6 hours is like 12-3 and 6-9. So I have like a 3 hour break hehehehe. The last Sunday, I went to have lunch at Fish n Co with Zijian, a good friend I met through mission trip. He noticed that I was moody and tearing on the bus on the way to Malaysia on the first day of mission trip and he was the first to ask if I was okay. I was pretty shock actually when he came to sit beside me and talk to me because the bus we were on was big and there were tons of other empty seats but he chose to sit with me and comfort me. I was really grateful and yes, we are just purely good friends. So yup, we ate and catch up over good food and ice cream after that (: And I guess this coming Sunday would be the last time I'm working from 6-9 on Sundays because my mum say Sunday don't work so long. 3 hrs can already cos she's only free on Sundays and she wants me to go shopping with her so yeappp ! Oh ya ! I also learnt how to make drinks on my first day of work which was Sunday la ! I enjoy making drinks so much cos so fun and so cool ! And hor, whenever I'm thirsty right, I can always just make a drink for myself. My boss always say 'Shannon ! If you thirsty, just help yourself to the drinks ok !' Hahaha and yeah, the drink I always make for myself is Thai Ice Tea cos it's suuuuuper nice hehehe ^^ Still need to learn how to differentiate which food is which so I will be able to help more on the kitchen side. But still, my colleagues always help me one. They so helpful la I'm so blessed. Even the kitchen cook as well. Though they can't really speak english fluently ( they speak Thai !!! ), they still are patient with teaching me so woohoo !
Ok so that's the happy stuff. The sad stuff is that sigh, I'm really sick and tired of quarreling with you. You know who you are and ugh, I'm really tired already. I know you are too. I can't help it but always get remembered of how many girls you talk to and how you're oovooing this one girl almost every single night. You tell me you're sorry and that you need a friend like me but are you even sincere ? You tell me you've changed but have you ? I really have a super bad impression of those people that took you away from me. But ugh, which guy can get ' taken away' unless he's willing right ? And honestly, it really hurts me to know that you've been saying all those shit behind my back to other people. And you're saying them so that you will look like the good person when you yourself know and even admit that you're the one at fault. I'm not totally putting the blame on you because I know I'm at fault too as well for some of the stuff. But seriously, talking bad about me to your friends just so that you won't look bad is just..........ridiculous. How I wish those people know about all this because you make me seem as if I'm the worst person on earth when I really am not. Sigh. How I wish I have the chance to talk to every single one of those people you've talked bad about me too and change their impression of me. But obviously, I can't. And even if I have the chance too, the first impression you gave them of me is bad and it's hard to change already. Oh wells. And how I wished I actually kept every single thing to myself and not say anything to my friends. Then I'll die of sadness and die of hurt which will probably be good as well. I wouldn't have to handle all the shit thrown at me. I wouldn't have to go through such depressing times. I wouldn't have to cry myself to sleep so many times. I wouldn't have to go all out to defend you and protect you when people say bad stuff about you. I wouldn't be so depressed. I wouldn't have to handle jealousy. I wouldn't have to keep worrying if you're ever gonna leave me. I wouldn't have to go through so many quarrels with you. I wouldn't have to keep trying and trying to savage the r/s. I wouldn't have to tire myself everyday thinking of what to do to stop being so depressed. I wouldn't have to keep worrying when you get drunk. I wouldn't have to worry whether something has happened to you or not when you don't reply me. I wouldn't have to constantly worry and think if I'm good enough for you. I wouldn't have to go through hurt and be reminded of everything again when people ask if we're still together. And maybe I should died earlier so that we would end on a good note and you'll probably still cry over my dead body unlike now. Because if I die now, you would be happy because I'm gone. You'll be happier without me which kinda sucks to me because all I ever wanted was to bring out the best in you and make sure you're the happiest guy on earth when you're with me. However, I failed. I failed to bring you happiness. Ugh, this sucks so much because I really hate to be so negative. And I hate it even more when I'm thinking of suicidal thoughts. Sigh. When will all this ever stop ? ): Don't tell me you're sorry and you need me when you don't prove it. Please prove yourself. Your actions means a whole lot.............
Sigh, in need of a really big, long and tight hug. Like a really long one. Haven't got one for quite awhile already and ahhhh, I really need that right now. Someone pls ): Pineapple tarts would really make my day better as well ): Choir concert later, hopefully I'll be happy. And I don't wanna go home so early, I guess I'll walk around the esplanade alone if the rest wants to go back first. It will be late and dark but who cares, I need some kind of therapy.
Valentines Day in another 4 days. What's gonna happen on that day ? Any surprises ? Any gifts ? I guess not but at least I know I'm gonna give and I'm gonna find joy in giving.
That's all for this blog post. Bye bye (:
Saturday, 31 January 2015
Thankful (:
Hi everybodyyyyy.
I'm back again ! And it's because my heart is so overwhelmed by so many things I just needed somewhere to spill everything out and also to share with you guys the happenings in my life recently (:
Thursday I received my JAE results and it was just like mehhhhh okayyyyy whateverrrrr. Still deciding if I should go for that. A lot of reasons to not go for that and a lot of reasons to go for that as well. How leh ? I'm stuck. But, prayer would help.
And then, Friday, received my JPSAE results and I was happy ????? Because, I think I would most probably go for that. Going to pray first before deciding. Then, accompanied my mum all the way to bishan for her medical appt. Shopped around that area for awhile before heading back to tampines mall kopitiam for dinner. We both had beef noodles and okok la it was not bad. Then went to bank in my cheque before going for cell ! I'm really starting to enjoy cell because most of us are starting to share what's truly in our hearts. On Friday, I shared something that was bothering me alot and I told myself that no, I can't cry because I am gonna look so bad and confirm paiseh, But what to do, cannot handle so I teared. Almost broke down but I tried my best to hold it in and wah lucky never. Ader also shared her troubles and there were tears shed as well. To me, this is what I love. To see my cellmates sharing what they keep deep in their hearts and to even see them cry infront of me. This shows me that they're willing to share and are not afraid to let everyone see their dark side. Hahaha both Ader and I said "Yall don't judge me okay if I cry." Quite funny though. And actually I was afraid I would take up a lot of time in sharing but they all told me to go ahead and take as much time as I need. After everyone shared, we went into a time of worship and then prayer, The prayer part was really good. People prayed for me and I prayed for them as well. After awhile, we just sat down and started having heart to heart talk. A few of us only. And that was when I made a few important decisions ( along with the help of my cellmates ) and I'm glad I did ^^ Then walked quite far to this coffeeshop for supper. I WAS SO HAPPY BECAUSE MY DAD ALLOWED ME TO GO FOR SUPPER. Hahaha the hokkien mee was G O O D. Ader and I also ordered oyster omelette to share and I was like "I don't eat the oyster I only like the egg leh." Then she was like "Eh ! Me too !" And we both started laughing. Ordering OYSTER omelette without OYSTER ???? Quite funny right. So we decided to give the oysters to the rest. Hahaha Ryan also treated us drinks and we wanted to pay him back but he said "The price has been paid." HAHAHA and we laughed. ( only some people will get it ) Headed home after supper and reached home about 12 plus ??? Then had a small htht with my mum. Super thankful for her though, because I know that she will always be there for me and ready to give me advice whenever I need.
And then comes SATURDAY ! The cell decided to wear checks and denim so yup ! Was late for worship together with Angela but still, worship was good. The line that we heard when we walked in was "I don't wanna talk about any other lover. You're the only one and there will be no other for me now, no other for me now." When I heard this, I was like W O A H. Relatable much ???? Hahahah word was good too ! 'When restlessness and longing comes knocking on your door, turn to God.' Yesssss, indeed. Have been flipping the bible more recently now and I'm glad I did. Many times I've wanted to commit suicide or have bad/ungodly thoughts but I turn to the bible and tada, God saves. Worship after word was even better. The presence of the Lord was just so........ I have no idea how to describe, You can literally feel it. And before I knew it, I started crying and crying and crying. God touched my heart and this was what He said to me 'You've been shutting your heart from me and now it's open and I can finally do my work in you.' Indeed, He has been pursuing me but I've been running away from Him and pursuing other things that I shouldn't be pursuing. Yesterday ( Saturday ), God has touched me again and I am gonna make a change. It's not gonna be easy, in fact, it's gonna be super tough, but I am willing to try and do whatever I can. Left the worship centre feeling so amazed and touched by His never ending grace and love for me. It's like WHERE CAN I EVER FIND SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME SO MUCH OTHER THAN GOD ? Literally, nowhere. I don't even think my future husband can. I'm such a sinner, time and time again I've ran away from Him and did stuff that's just SO BAD. But He never fails to bring me back to Him again and never fails to embrace me when I'm at my worst. Literally, thank God. Really hope that every week's worship will just be as good, I need it. Hahaha and then went to Basil Inn, a Thai restaurant for dinner ! The food was good, especially the mango sticky rice. We played heads up during dinner and I think we were pretty loud. Public nuisance but hey, it was fun ! Edna chose the animal category and when the word 'pony' came up, Ben sang "MY LITTLE _______ ???" so loudly, the rest of us girls started laughing cos he's a guy and normally it would be girls who would watch my little pony and get excited over it but instead, he was the one that was so excited ????? Super funny la xD And I was super touched when Tamilyn told me this "I didn't have a chance to tell you this last week but regarding to what you shared last week, I'm happy you flipped to the bible and didn't commit suicide because if you did, I wouldn't have met you. And you are very pretty ! Plus if you committed suicide, I believe that ML30 would miss you a lot so I'm happy that you didn't." When I heard what she said, I almost cried because wow, that really touched my heart (': Hahahah then we decided to go to mac because Angela and Carlynne wanted more food so YESSSSS. Headed home together with Angela and Dillon after that (: It's been a really blessed day for me and I'm more than thankful (':
Cried the hardest and the most I've cried ever in this week and my eyes are really tired already. NO MORE CRYING over stupid stuff because it's definitely NOT WORTH IT. Gonna spend my time on stuff that are worth my time. And also, can't wait to bake for Valentines' Day ! ^^ No boyfriend this Valentines' Day but HAHAHA not gonna let that ruin my day because I am gonna have the best dates ever !!!!!!! :D
'I don't wanna talk about any other lover. You're the only one and there will be no other for me now, no other for me now.' ----> I will always have this line in my mind :p
Hehehehe okok that's all for this one, bye bye ^^
I'm back again ! And it's because my heart is so overwhelmed by so many things I just needed somewhere to spill everything out and also to share with you guys the happenings in my life recently (:
Thursday I received my JAE results and it was just like mehhhhh okayyyyy whateverrrrr. Still deciding if I should go for that. A lot of reasons to not go for that and a lot of reasons to go for that as well. How leh ? I'm stuck. But, prayer would help.
And then, Friday, received my JPSAE results and I was happy ????? Because, I think I would most probably go for that. Going to pray first before deciding. Then, accompanied my mum all the way to bishan for her medical appt. Shopped around that area for awhile before heading back to tampines mall kopitiam for dinner. We both had beef noodles and okok la it was not bad. Then went to bank in my cheque before going for cell ! I'm really starting to enjoy cell because most of us are starting to share what's truly in our hearts. On Friday, I shared something that was bothering me alot and I told myself that no, I can't cry because I am gonna look so bad and confirm paiseh, But what to do, cannot handle so I teared. Almost broke down but I tried my best to hold it in and wah lucky never. Ader also shared her troubles and there were tears shed as well. To me, this is what I love. To see my cellmates sharing what they keep deep in their hearts and to even see them cry infront of me. This shows me that they're willing to share and are not afraid to let everyone see their dark side. Hahaha both Ader and I said "Yall don't judge me okay if I cry." Quite funny though. And actually I was afraid I would take up a lot of time in sharing but they all told me to go ahead and take as much time as I need. After everyone shared, we went into a time of worship and then prayer, The prayer part was really good. People prayed for me and I prayed for them as well. After awhile, we just sat down and started having heart to heart talk. A few of us only. And that was when I made a few important decisions ( along with the help of my cellmates ) and I'm glad I did ^^ Then walked quite far to this coffeeshop for supper. I WAS SO HAPPY BECAUSE MY DAD ALLOWED ME TO GO FOR SUPPER. Hahaha the hokkien mee was G O O D. Ader and I also ordered oyster omelette to share and I was like "I don't eat the oyster I only like the egg leh." Then she was like "Eh ! Me too !" And we both started laughing. Ordering OYSTER omelette without OYSTER ???? Quite funny right. So we decided to give the oysters to the rest. Hahaha Ryan also treated us drinks and we wanted to pay him back but he said "The price has been paid." HAHAHA and we laughed. ( only some people will get it ) Headed home after supper and reached home about 12 plus ??? Then had a small htht with my mum. Super thankful for her though, because I know that she will always be there for me and ready to give me advice whenever I need.
And then comes SATURDAY ! The cell decided to wear checks and denim so yup ! Was late for worship together with Angela but still, worship was good. The line that we heard when we walked in was "I don't wanna talk about any other lover. You're the only one and there will be no other for me now, no other for me now." When I heard this, I was like W O A H. Relatable much ???? Hahahah word was good too ! 'When restlessness and longing comes knocking on your door, turn to God.' Yesssss, indeed. Have been flipping the bible more recently now and I'm glad I did. Many times I've wanted to commit suicide or have bad/ungodly thoughts but I turn to the bible and tada, God saves. Worship after word was even better. The presence of the Lord was just so........ I have no idea how to describe, You can literally feel it. And before I knew it, I started crying and crying and crying. God touched my heart and this was what He said to me 'You've been shutting your heart from me and now it's open and I can finally do my work in you.' Indeed, He has been pursuing me but I've been running away from Him and pursuing other things that I shouldn't be pursuing. Yesterday ( Saturday ), God has touched me again and I am gonna make a change. It's not gonna be easy, in fact, it's gonna be super tough, but I am willing to try and do whatever I can. Left the worship centre feeling so amazed and touched by His never ending grace and love for me. It's like WHERE CAN I EVER FIND SOMEONE WHO LOVES ME SO MUCH OTHER THAN GOD ? Literally, nowhere. I don't even think my future husband can. I'm such a sinner, time and time again I've ran away from Him and did stuff that's just SO BAD. But He never fails to bring me back to Him again and never fails to embrace me when I'm at my worst. Literally, thank God. Really hope that every week's worship will just be as good, I need it. Hahaha and then went to Basil Inn, a Thai restaurant for dinner ! The food was good, especially the mango sticky rice. We played heads up during dinner and I think we were pretty loud. Public nuisance but hey, it was fun ! Edna chose the animal category and when the word 'pony' came up, Ben sang "MY LITTLE _______ ???" so loudly, the rest of us girls started laughing cos he's a guy and normally it would be girls who would watch my little pony and get excited over it but instead, he was the one that was so excited ????? Super funny la xD And I was super touched when Tamilyn told me this "I didn't have a chance to tell you this last week but regarding to what you shared last week, I'm happy you flipped to the bible and didn't commit suicide because if you did, I wouldn't have met you. And you are very pretty ! Plus if you committed suicide, I believe that ML30 would miss you a lot so I'm happy that you didn't." When I heard what she said, I almost cried because wow, that really touched my heart (': Hahahah then we decided to go to mac because Angela and Carlynne wanted more food so YESSSSS. Headed home together with Angela and Dillon after that (: It's been a really blessed day for me and I'm more than thankful (':
Cried the hardest and the most I've cried ever in this week and my eyes are really tired already. NO MORE CRYING over stupid stuff because it's definitely NOT WORTH IT. Gonna spend my time on stuff that are worth my time. And also, can't wait to bake for Valentines' Day ! ^^ No boyfriend this Valentines' Day but HAHAHA not gonna let that ruin my day because I am gonna have the best dates ever !!!!!!! :D
'I don't wanna talk about any other lover. You're the only one and there will be no other for me now, no other for me now.' ----> I will always have this line in my mind :p
Hehehehe okok that's all for this one, bye bye ^^
Wednesday, 7 January 2015
Hellu.
Hello everyone ^^
It's like 3:35am now and I'm still awake. Actually wanted to go sleep already but decided to accompany my mum since she has to do up her assignment by tonight so yeah. While accompanying her, I might as well just blog so yes here I am !
So basically today I went over to Francesca's house to have lunch and also to play with her baby brother ! Lunch was good though, we had pasta prepare by her maid and it was yummy ! (: Then played with baby Don for awhile before we decided to watch a movie ! Couldn't decide what to watch at first but after scrolling through the different movies, we decided to watch Safe Haven since Francesca said that it's a nice movie. Normally I would prefer to read the description of a movie first before watching it however for this one, I didn't. I did ask Francesca what the movie is about but she told me to just watch cos the show is quite interesting. And so yup, I watched. Turns out that I really enjoyed watching the movie and it's so cool ! At the romantic parts I just kept going 'awwww so cute' and couldn't stop smiling :3 Although at some parts, it was quite thrilling, I still enjoyed it ! The plot twist at the end was WOAH. Safe Haven is a really nice movie, you all should really watch it if you have the time (:
Talking about Safe Haven which is kind of a romance movie, I'm reminded of the movie calle The Vow which is one of my favourite romance movies ! Fireproof is super good as well ! Would really want to rewatch this movies if I have the time to ^^
Oh yeah, took a lot of selfies today as well ! It was so retarded though, but the lighting was really good so yeah why not right ! Hahaha but like, I should have played with baby Don more, He's really super cute and I would really wanna go play with him again :p
Anyway, results release is like next week. NEXT MONDAY !!!! Ahhh so fast can't believe it ! Praying that I'll be able to do well and at least get into my preferred course :3 Aiming for around 13-15 points although I keep thinking that I will get 10 points which is quite unrealistic ? :/ Just hope that I'll be happy with my results and not cry on Monday. And yes, I'm going back to school with my dyed hair. Found a way to hide my dip-dyed ends last night at 3am ! I'm sucha genius xD Oh wells, just gonna keep praying for my results and lift my results into God's hands for He has already planned my path ^^
Also, I'm really really super upset about one thing. I really absolutely hate it when I care for people and take one step further to ask if they're okay but yet they don't even seem appreciative at all. I mean like, I was just telling you how I feel about the entire situation, you replied as if like I'm against you. Well yeah of course right, you would feel like I'm against you because what I said was what your mum said. I mean it's true, I would understand if your mum didn't allow them to sleep over cos hello, you've only met them for 2 months and plus it's pretty impromptu. Plus, there's a girl staying over as well. ( one girl only ) I was just stating what I feel about this entire thing that you're upset about, not siding your mum and going against you and your reply was like...... Just that one sentence from you is enough to make me upset alr. I guess you're too caught up in that friendship that you don't even know what's right and what's wrong. I've been there before I understand. I was like that last time as well. That's why I'm trying to help but you don't even bother. It's as if now all you think about are those two friends and your life basically revolves around them and the rest of grungerawk eh ? I guess that's also part of the reason why we broke up. Well hello, please, at least I cared. At least I bothered to call you up at midnight just to make sure that you're fine. Aren't you the least bit thankful ? Because it sure doesn't seem like you are. Forget it man, if you're not gonna appreciate the things that I do for you as a friend then what's the point ? Sucks like hell when you care for someone as a friend but they don't freaking appreciate it.
That's all for this post. Have no idea what else to say alr cos I'm super upset. Ugh. Goodnight.
It's like 3:35am now and I'm still awake. Actually wanted to go sleep already but decided to accompany my mum since she has to do up her assignment by tonight so yeah. While accompanying her, I might as well just blog so yes here I am !
So basically today I went over to Francesca's house to have lunch and also to play with her baby brother ! Lunch was good though, we had pasta prepare by her maid and it was yummy ! (: Then played with baby Don for awhile before we decided to watch a movie ! Couldn't decide what to watch at first but after scrolling through the different movies, we decided to watch Safe Haven since Francesca said that it's a nice movie. Normally I would prefer to read the description of a movie first before watching it however for this one, I didn't. I did ask Francesca what the movie is about but she told me to just watch cos the show is quite interesting. And so yup, I watched. Turns out that I really enjoyed watching the movie and it's so cool ! At the romantic parts I just kept going 'awwww so cute' and couldn't stop smiling :3 Although at some parts, it was quite thrilling, I still enjoyed it ! The plot twist at the end was WOAH. Safe Haven is a really nice movie, you all should really watch it if you have the time (:
Talking about Safe Haven which is kind of a romance movie, I'm reminded of the movie calle The Vow which is one of my favourite romance movies ! Fireproof is super good as well ! Would really want to rewatch this movies if I have the time to ^^
Oh yeah, took a lot of selfies today as well ! It was so retarded though, but the lighting was really good so yeah why not right ! Hahaha but like, I should have played with baby Don more, He's really super cute and I would really wanna go play with him again :p
Anyway, results release is like next week. NEXT MONDAY !!!! Ahhh so fast can't believe it ! Praying that I'll be able to do well and at least get into my preferred course :3 Aiming for around 13-15 points although I keep thinking that I will get 10 points which is quite unrealistic ? :/ Just hope that I'll be happy with my results and not cry on Monday. And yes, I'm going back to school with my dyed hair. Found a way to hide my dip-dyed ends last night at 3am ! I'm sucha genius xD Oh wells, just gonna keep praying for my results and lift my results into God's hands for He has already planned my path ^^
Also, I'm really really super upset about one thing. I really absolutely hate it when I care for people and take one step further to ask if they're okay but yet they don't even seem appreciative at all. I mean like, I was just telling you how I feel about the entire situation, you replied as if like I'm against you. Well yeah of course right, you would feel like I'm against you because what I said was what your mum said. I mean it's true, I would understand if your mum didn't allow them to sleep over cos hello, you've only met them for 2 months and plus it's pretty impromptu. Plus, there's a girl staying over as well. ( one girl only ) I was just stating what I feel about this entire thing that you're upset about, not siding your mum and going against you and your reply was like...... Just that one sentence from you is enough to make me upset alr. I guess you're too caught up in that friendship that you don't even know what's right and what's wrong. I've been there before I understand. I was like that last time as well. That's why I'm trying to help but you don't even bother. It's as if now all you think about are those two friends and your life basically revolves around them and the rest of grungerawk eh ? I guess that's also part of the reason why we broke up. Well hello, please, at least I cared. At least I bothered to call you up at midnight just to make sure that you're fine. Aren't you the least bit thankful ? Because it sure doesn't seem like you are. Forget it man, if you're not gonna appreciate the things that I do for you as a friend then what's the point ? Sucks like hell when you care for someone as a friend but they don't freaking appreciate it.
That's all for this post. Have no idea what else to say alr cos I'm super upset. Ugh. Goodnight.
Tuesday, 6 January 2015
UPDATE (:
Hello all you humansssss !
How's everyone been ? My apologies for not blogging for so long cos I've been busy and I guess lazy as well ? Hehehe but don't worry, I have a lot of time now so I shall try my best to blog more often ! Decided to blog today because I'm transferring photos onto the laptop and it's boring to just stare and wait so I've decided to update my blog ! And this is gonna be quite a long one ? Will be an update about what has happened in my life ever since the last blog post all the way till now. Will try to recall as much as possible. ( using my instagram to recall and write hehehe )
So my last blog post was in May, so let's talk about June ! Starting off with Yiroon's birthday. On that day which was 13 June, a day before his actual birthday, we went to have Seoul Garden at downtown east with his friends and I remember he was so surprised when he opened his present. He was shocked because he never thought that I would get him a Man U jersey for his birthday. Should've recorded his reaction though. Hahaha hope he still wears the jersey :3
Still remember going to ECP with Yiroon to rollerblade and cycle ! Had so much fun though half the time it was raining and we had to just sit under the shelter. Went to have dinner at Jumbo after that and ate so much. The crab was soooo good though. LOVE IT. After we ate, we said hi to his grandfather and realised that it was raining so we had to wear raincoats and walk in the rain alllll the way to the bus stop which was pretty far. It was quite romantic to me though, walking in the rain hand in hand with the one you love. Had to run to the bus stop and his slippers broke. Still it was a great time spent (:
Then came 19 September, my birthday. Yiroon surprised me with an acoustic guitar that I've always wanted and I'm really thankful for that. Went to eat at Seoul Garden with the clique, Angela and Noreen then headed to open plaza where they then again surprised me with a cake ! Took some pictures and headed to watch my first ever NC16 movie with Yiroon (:
Soon enough, Os was round the corner and before I knew it, it was 2 weeks to Os. I was like 'woah so fast'. Started studying like mad and grabbing hold of whatever time I had cos I knew there wasn't much time, Practiced lots of POA and revised all other subs as well. I guess I did whatever I could and went for every paper praying that I'll be able to do them. Honestly, I thought that the papers were doable if people actually studied for it. All the papers were okay for me except A Maths cos like my A Maths really sucks and I knew that there's no hope so I didn't gave much attention to that sub. Not gonna be including it in y L1R2B2 anyway :3 Hoping that I would get an A1 for POA, B3 for Maths, B3 for English, A2 for Chinese and B4 for Humans. That would be a total of 13 points, still ok la hor. Hahaha anyways, Os really went past super quick and before I knew it I was enjoying myself and getting my hair dyed already. Results is like next week though, quite nervous and just praying that I'll be able to do well and get the points that I deserve.
Then, comes prom. Should've bought a nicer dress though cos the dress I wore was like too plain and too simple ? Hahaha my heels were killing me though cos it was so high and my feet was hurting like mad. I should've done something to my hair though and also like more obvious with the makeup ? haha but oh wells it's over and I really had a lot of fun with the girls that night ^^
Started working at Jcafe on the 20th. It was exciting and the people there are super nice though ! The fun part is getting to work with Yiroon and Hamsley since one was my boyfriend at that point of time and the other is a friend that I know. The job is quite tiring though because we had to be on our feet for like a whole 10 hours or so and when there are a lot of customers, it's quite hard to get things going fast. Customers there are usually golfers so they are quite cocky ? Some are rather impatient but some are quite nice too ! Always afraid that there would be CAT 1 cos that's when all the golfers start coming in to eat since they are unable to play golf cos of the weather. Still, I think it was quite enjoyable cos the people there are generally nice and helpful unlike those that I met while I was working in Jpot. Yuheng is one of the nicest colleagues that I've met, she's always so helpful and always smiling. She's like an older sister to me. The aunty in the kitchen is also very nice, always so willing to talk to me when there's no customers. It's also quite funny how most of us don't like Dong Xia hahahaha cos she always call people to do things when she can do it herself and she's always finding time to be lazy and always giving a shitload of excuses. Well, I'm not working there anymore though. Stopped on the 15th of December.
So, here comes the bad part, on the 17th of December, at night, we broke up. I was honestly shocked when he asked for the break up cos I never expected that. To be very honest, I have never thought of a break up. No matter how tough things may get, I would still try my best to work every single shit out and make the relationship work. Because what's a relationship without quarrels right ? There will be fights and lots of shit stuff in the relationship that will make one feel like giving up and all but what kept me going was remembering the good times and also holding on because I still love him. However, for him, it was a different case. People ask, isn't there a chance that you guys might get back tgt ? Well, I guess not ? At that point of time, I did ask if we can get back tgt or if there's any other way out but he was insistent on the break so what else can I do ? I didn't want to beg any further.
On the 18th, I left for Muar for a mission trip, I woke up in the morning feeling like shit because of what happened the night before. Everything seemed so different. I did think of just not going for the mission trip but I told myself 'I can't let this affect me. Or at least, hide everything inside until it's okay to let it all out. I can't let this affect what's God going o do through me. Just fake a smile and go for it.' So that was what I did. Until we boarded the bus and I couldn't hold it on any longer. I started crying and they asked me what happened. As I told them, I cried even harder. The pain I felt was so real I just couldn't take it anymore. Caleb, the trip's leader, realised something was wrong and he asked me as well. Sigh, it was so painful. After awhile, I just told myself to not cry anymore, I need to be strong for at least this 4 days. The first day of the trip was quite okay, nothing much. Gave out flyers to invite people for the church services. I was shocked by how the people there were so friendly and so open to stuff like this. In Singapore, people would just reject you straight up. They wouldn't even want to listen to whatever you have to say. However people in Muar were really open and I'm thankful for that. The second day was fun ! I was in charge of the children's group together with Faith. A problem occurred though, cos we were supposed to talk about The Prodigal Son first but we found out that the message wasn't translated into chinese yet so we had to talk about Jonah and the big whale first. I guess it was a blessing in disguise ? Because after we shared that story, it was lunch time and when the children came back from lunch, they were abit restless. So we got them to do the crafts first before proceeding with The Prodigal Son bible message. The kids were quite tired at that point of time so they were like restless and didn't really catch the story but it's okay, I guess the story of Jonah and the big whale would be what I really hope they would know of because that's the typical bible story for kids. I really didn't expect the kids to remember any of the stories that I've shared because well kids being kids would normally forget what they've heard after awhile however I was shocked. During the debrief at night, I found out that when the pastor were sending the kids home, they were talking excitedly about the stories that I've shared and they remembered every single detail. I was so happy and yes, all glory goes to God for giving me the energy and the creativity to come up with actions for the story so that the kids would understand better. On the third day, we went to the old folks home. Talked to the elderly people there and we sang for them as well ! I still remember that there was this uncle who was on a wheelchair and he was playing music out loud from his radio. He was so cheerful. He lost a limb and he still could be so happy. That's one thing I really admire about him. He's living his life so happily and with such joy even though he can't walk. There's also this old aunty who was 90 plus years old and she was smiling the whole time ! She was like super happy and super joyful. She even 'danced' while we were singing songs for them. I also got the opportunity to pray for this old uncle who injured his arm from a fall. Though I was nervous because I didn't know how to pray in chinese, I still did and I hope my simple prayer for him did help ! Layyeng, Laymei and I also went to sing a song for this uncle who was alone in a room. He was tearing and he sincerely thanked us after we finished. His tears actually make me felt so touched because I knew that he genuinely was thankful for whatever we've done at that place. After visiting the old folks home, we went for lunch and then back to the hotel. We had time to dye our hair before our next activity so Matthew and I went to dye our hair. I was super happy with the service because the hairstylist did not just stop at dying my hair, he even curled it for me as well ! Plus the colour turned out to be super bright which was what I wanted so I was super happy with it ! Then went to Emmanuel church where we had to hold a kids service for the children there. I was leading worship together with Matthew. A little nervous at the start but I was glad that everything went well. Though the kids there were super playful and naughty, we still had a fun time holding a service for them. On that night, we played bluff until super late and we laughed so much until our stomachs hurt. And damn, faith and I woke up late the next day so oops hehehe. Anyways, on the last day, we had to facilitate half of the service for the congregation of Parit Jawa Church. Again, I was leading worship with Matthew. It was quite nerve-wrecking cos I had to tell the people to flip to the different pages of the different books, And plus, I had to speak in chinese. However, God really did help and we did a great job. All glory to Him ! At last, it was time to leave and I was quite sad because I had so much fun in Muar especially with the kids and I really don't want to leave the simple lifestyle in Muar. We said our goodbyes and boarded the bus back to the hotel to take our bags to leave for customs. I promise that I will go back next year if I can.
Christmas was well spent in church and at my cousin's house with all the good food and little nieces running around ! Raelyn grew up so fast and she can talk now ! Plus she's super cute and now allows me to carry her already (: Julia also all grown up and can walk ! Anthea also grown up and super cute now ^^ Can't wait till they grow older !
Then, thanksgiving service in church ! THERE WAS FREE ICE CREAM AND IT WAS SO GOOD !!!!!! Salted Caramel ice cream is super good, I LOVE IT :p Nothing much about thanksgiving service so yeah :3
New Year's Eve was spent at my cousin's new house where we had super good food and CHOCOLATE FONDUE !!!! Ah Mei Jie Jie also brought her old clothes for us to choose and bring home, there was too many clothes like AHHHH hahaha ! Got some really nice clothes back though hehehehe :3
Went for Miss Ong's wedding on 3rd Jan and guess what omg I WOKE UP LATE ): Was supposed to meet Jam at tmart at 10am but I woke up at 10:03am AHHHH ! Rushed like mad and waiting for a cab for super long ! Hahahaha oh yeah, wore the dress that Yiroon bought for me, was super conscious about my belly though cos I'm fat so I kept using my bag to cover hehehe :3 Although they all said that I looked fine and can't see the fats but ahhh I too insecure la huh. Hahaha Miss Ong's wedding was super nice though. She was super pretty and she got emotional and cried while saying the vows aww ): AND OMG HER SISTER LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE HER !!!!! Her sister was one of the bridesmaids and when she was walking in, I thought she was Miss Ong cos they look so alike !!!!! Hahaha anyway the whole wedding ceremony ended pretty fast and we took photos with the pretty bride and handsome grooom ! But it's sad cos we didn't go for the photo booth and I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A DESSERT TABLE T.T but nvm..... Then went to Francesca house after that and we ate lunch and played dance central after that ! Her baby brother is super cute though !!!! *.* Can't wait to play with him when I go over to her house again tmr !!!!
So yeah, that's all that I have to share with all of you :3 Actually, my dayre would be more active because I post stuff there almost every single day and all my deep hidden feelings are there too so yeah :3 Here's the link : dayre.me/shann_t (:
Thank you to those who've taken time to read this blog post cos it's like SUPER LONG ! Hahaha have a great day ahead ^^
How's everyone been ? My apologies for not blogging for so long cos I've been busy and I guess lazy as well ? Hehehe but don't worry, I have a lot of time now so I shall try my best to blog more often ! Decided to blog today because I'm transferring photos onto the laptop and it's boring to just stare and wait so I've decided to update my blog ! And this is gonna be quite a long one ? Will be an update about what has happened in my life ever since the last blog post all the way till now. Will try to recall as much as possible. ( using my instagram to recall and write hehehe )
So my last blog post was in May, so let's talk about June ! Starting off with Yiroon's birthday. On that day which was 13 June, a day before his actual birthday, we went to have Seoul Garden at downtown east with his friends and I remember he was so surprised when he opened his present. He was shocked because he never thought that I would get him a Man U jersey for his birthday. Should've recorded his reaction though. Hahaha hope he still wears the jersey :3
Then on 14 June, went to Malaysia for CAMP KADASH ! Had lots of fun with all the cheers and hyped up craziness every single day. Though my group was quiet cal-m and quiet ( not used to it cos I'm quite a crazy person ), I still enjoyed myself a lot. Still remembered the worship and it was soooo good. Faction war was super fun as well ! Enjoyed running like crazy to throw water bombs at others. Hahaha also remembered that there was one night, everyone would dispatch to their own cells and we would have cup noodles for supper tgt. The hot water wasn't working so Dillon, Angela I ran up to our own rooms to bring down our kettles to boil some water. We shared with other cells as well
hehehe. Overall, the camp was fun and I learnt a lot as well !
Still remember going to ECP with Yiroon to rollerblade and cycle ! Had so much fun though half the time it was raining and we had to just sit under the shelter. Went to have dinner at Jumbo after that and ate so much. The crab was soooo good though. LOVE IT. After we ate, we said hi to his grandfather and realised that it was raining so we had to wear raincoats and walk in the rain alllll the way to the bus stop which was pretty far. It was quite romantic to me though, walking in the rain hand in hand with the one you love. Had to run to the bus stop and his slippers broke. Still it was a great time spent (:
Cool or not
Candid :P
Then came 19 September, my birthday. Yiroon surprised me with an acoustic guitar that I've always wanted and I'm really thankful for that. Went to eat at Seoul Garden with the clique, Angela and Noreen then headed to open plaza where they then again surprised me with a cake ! Took some pictures and headed to watch my first ever NC16 movie with Yiroon (:
Group photo ! (:
Then, comes prom. Should've bought a nicer dress though cos the dress I wore was like too plain and too simple ? Hahaha my heels were killing me though cos it was so high and my feet was hurting like mad. I should've done something to my hair though and also like more obvious with the makeup ? haha but oh wells it's over and I really had a lot of fun with the girls that night ^^
The Clique ^^
Yay group photo !!!
So it was a Sunday and I had been planning this surprise for quite long alr ? Initially the surprise was to buy adventure cove tickets then tell him that we're gonna go for a swim at tampines swimming complex but before that we would go to vivo since there's a big sale there. But upon reaching vivo, I would tell him that I've a surprise for him and blindfold him all the way to adventure cove where his friends would be there as well and we would have a fun day enjoying the rides and all. But in the end, cos at the time I didn't have money to buy the tics for both of us, I just settled for the sentosa plan. It still worked out and it was my first time in a bikini ! Not very confident of my body so at first I was quite reluctant to remove my top but still did in the end la (: just have to get used to it and it'll be fine ! However, it rained while we were enjoying ourselves and we had to find shelter. Then we had dinner at jpot at vivo city before going to slack at the top of vivo. Some things happened which made me really upset because I felt like whatever I did to surprise him was not was not appreciated but ah oh wells, that incident is over so shall just let it pass.
Candid lor
One of my fav photo of us (:
Michelle was scared :3
Next up is Illumi run ! Went for the run with French, Chuyao, Jam, Chunming and Yiroon. First ever illumi run and it was with the one that I loved. Really had a lot of fun although the illumi paint was kinda disgusting. We didn't really run though, we just walked and see other people's lightstick (?) get snatched by the people that were approaching in the opposite direction. At the end of the run, my hair was like EW and my shoes and socks were like so stained from the paint. The paseo wipes did help a lot in the cleaning up although when I reached home, I had a super tough time getting the paint out of my hair. The trip on the way back was super upsetting for me cos of some stuff which made me feel like I wasn't pretty enough and wasn't good enough. But then again, that incident has passed so I shall let it float awayyyyyy ~
'Come let's take a photo !'
Started working at Jcafe on the 20th. It was exciting and the people there are super nice though ! The fun part is getting to work with Yiroon and Hamsley since one was my boyfriend at that point of time and the other is a friend that I know. The job is quite tiring though because we had to be on our feet for like a whole 10 hours or so and when there are a lot of customers, it's quite hard to get things going fast. Customers there are usually golfers so they are quite cocky ? Some are rather impatient but some are quite nice too ! Always afraid that there would be CAT 1 cos that's when all the golfers start coming in to eat since they are unable to play golf cos of the weather. Still, I think it was quite enjoyable cos the people there are generally nice and helpful unlike those that I met while I was working in Jpot. Yuheng is one of the nicest colleagues that I've met, she's always so helpful and always smiling. She's like an older sister to me. The aunty in the kitchen is also very nice, always so willing to talk to me when there's no customers. It's also quite funny how most of us don't like Dong Xia hahahaha cos she always call people to do things when she can do it herself and she's always finding time to be lazy and always giving a shitload of excuses. Well, I'm not working there anymore though. Stopped on the 15th of December.
Yay last day hehehehehe
So, here comes the bad part, on the 17th of December, at night, we broke up. I was honestly shocked when he asked for the break up cos I never expected that. To be very honest, I have never thought of a break up. No matter how tough things may get, I would still try my best to work every single shit out and make the relationship work. Because what's a relationship without quarrels right ? There will be fights and lots of shit stuff in the relationship that will make one feel like giving up and all but what kept me going was remembering the good times and also holding on because I still love him. However, for him, it was a different case. People ask, isn't there a chance that you guys might get back tgt ? Well, I guess not ? At that point of time, I did ask if we can get back tgt or if there's any other way out but he was insistent on the break so what else can I do ? I didn't want to beg any further.
On the 18th, I left for Muar for a mission trip, I woke up in the morning feeling like shit because of what happened the night before. Everything seemed so different. I did think of just not going for the mission trip but I told myself 'I can't let this affect me. Or at least, hide everything inside until it's okay to let it all out. I can't let this affect what's God going o do through me. Just fake a smile and go for it.' So that was what I did. Until we boarded the bus and I couldn't hold it on any longer. I started crying and they asked me what happened. As I told them, I cried even harder. The pain I felt was so real I just couldn't take it anymore. Caleb, the trip's leader, realised something was wrong and he asked me as well. Sigh, it was so painful. After awhile, I just told myself to not cry anymore, I need to be strong for at least this 4 days. The first day of the trip was quite okay, nothing much. Gave out flyers to invite people for the church services. I was shocked by how the people there were so friendly and so open to stuff like this. In Singapore, people would just reject you straight up. They wouldn't even want to listen to whatever you have to say. However people in Muar were really open and I'm thankful for that. The second day was fun ! I was in charge of the children's group together with Faith. A problem occurred though, cos we were supposed to talk about The Prodigal Son first but we found out that the message wasn't translated into chinese yet so we had to talk about Jonah and the big whale first. I guess it was a blessing in disguise ? Because after we shared that story, it was lunch time and when the children came back from lunch, they were abit restless. So we got them to do the crafts first before proceeding with The Prodigal Son bible message. The kids were quite tired at that point of time so they were like restless and didn't really catch the story but it's okay, I guess the story of Jonah and the big whale would be what I really hope they would know of because that's the typical bible story for kids. I really didn't expect the kids to remember any of the stories that I've shared because well kids being kids would normally forget what they've heard after awhile however I was shocked. During the debrief at night, I found out that when the pastor were sending the kids home, they were talking excitedly about the stories that I've shared and they remembered every single detail. I was so happy and yes, all glory goes to God for giving me the energy and the creativity to come up with actions for the story so that the kids would understand better. On the third day, we went to the old folks home. Talked to the elderly people there and we sang for them as well ! I still remember that there was this uncle who was on a wheelchair and he was playing music out loud from his radio. He was so cheerful. He lost a limb and he still could be so happy. That's one thing I really admire about him. He's living his life so happily and with such joy even though he can't walk. There's also this old aunty who was 90 plus years old and she was smiling the whole time ! She was like super happy and super joyful. She even 'danced' while we were singing songs for them. I also got the opportunity to pray for this old uncle who injured his arm from a fall. Though I was nervous because I didn't know how to pray in chinese, I still did and I hope my simple prayer for him did help ! Layyeng, Laymei and I also went to sing a song for this uncle who was alone in a room. He was tearing and he sincerely thanked us after we finished. His tears actually make me felt so touched because I knew that he genuinely was thankful for whatever we've done at that place. After visiting the old folks home, we went for lunch and then back to the hotel. We had time to dye our hair before our next activity so Matthew and I went to dye our hair. I was super happy with the service because the hairstylist did not just stop at dying my hair, he even curled it for me as well ! Plus the colour turned out to be super bright which was what I wanted so I was super happy with it ! Then went to Emmanuel church where we had to hold a kids service for the children there. I was leading worship together with Matthew. A little nervous at the start but I was glad that everything went well. Though the kids there were super playful and naughty, we still had a fun time holding a service for them. On that night, we played bluff until super late and we laughed so much until our stomachs hurt. And damn, faith and I woke up late the next day so oops hehehe. Anyways, on the last day, we had to facilitate half of the service for the congregation of Parit Jawa Church. Again, I was leading worship with Matthew. It was quite nerve-wrecking cos I had to tell the people to flip to the different pages of the different books, And plus, I had to speak in chinese. However, God really did help and we did a great job. All glory to Him ! At last, it was time to leave and I was quite sad because I had so much fun in Muar especially with the kids and I really don't want to leave the simple lifestyle in Muar. We said our goodbyes and boarded the bus back to the hotel to take our bags to leave for customs. I promise that I will go back next year if I can.
[ Eliz's pose ]
AHHH KIDS ^^
GROUP PHOTO :D
Christmas was well spent in church and at my cousin's house with all the good food and little nieces running around ! Raelyn grew up so fast and she can talk now ! Plus she's super cute and now allows me to carry her already (: Julia also all grown up and can walk ! Anthea also grown up and super cute now ^^ Can't wait till they grow older !
ML30 ^^
The girls (:
New Year's Eve was spent at my cousin's new house where we had super good food and CHOCOLATE FONDUE !!!! Ah Mei Jie Jie also brought her old clothes for us to choose and bring home, there was too many clothes like AHHHH hahaha ! Got some really nice clothes back though hehehehe :3
Went for Miss Ong's wedding on 3rd Jan and guess what omg I WOKE UP LATE ): Was supposed to meet Jam at tmart at 10am but I woke up at 10:03am AHHHH ! Rushed like mad and waiting for a cab for super long ! Hahahaha oh yeah, wore the dress that Yiroon bought for me, was super conscious about my belly though cos I'm fat so I kept using my bag to cover hehehe :3 Although they all said that I looked fine and can't see the fats but ahhh I too insecure la huh. Hahaha Miss Ong's wedding was super nice though. She was super pretty and she got emotional and cried while saying the vows aww ): AND OMG HER SISTER LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE HER !!!!! Her sister was one of the bridesmaids and when she was walking in, I thought she was Miss Ong cos they look so alike !!!!! Hahaha anyway the whole wedding ceremony ended pretty fast and we took photos with the pretty bride and handsome grooom ! But it's sad cos we didn't go for the photo booth and I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A DESSERT TABLE T.T but nvm..... Then went to Francesca house after that and we ate lunch and played dance central after that ! Her baby brother is super cute though !!!! *.* Can't wait to play with him when I go over to her house again tmr !!!!
So yeah, that's all that I have to share with all of you :3 Actually, my dayre would be more active because I post stuff there almost every single day and all my deep hidden feelings are there too so yeah :3 Here's the link : dayre.me/shann_t (:
Thank you to those who've taken time to read this blog post cos it's like SUPER LONG ! Hahaha have a great day ahead ^^
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