Hello everyone ! (:
I'm back again with another blog post ^^ So now is like the CNY period and the past few days of cny visiting and all has been great ! (: Although I sleep suuuuper late the past few days, I still enjoyed visiting and gambling and definitely eating all the SUPER good food hehehe :p It's a yearly affair that my family would visit my dad's side and we would stay until 2+ or 3am gambling. And it's a standard thing for us to have bee hoon with eggs for supper and tea as well ! Every year chinese new year confirm have these few things ! This year I didn't really win a lot of money, in fact, I lost. But it's okay, play pay only la (:
Went to my grandparent's house on the first day for lunch before heading over to my uncle's place for dinner ! Kind of like the standard thing as well :3 Then second day is lunch at my aunt's place ( mum side ) before going to my another aunt's place ( dad side ) for dinner and gambling till late late. Third day we went to my aunt's place just for chit chat, super impromptu but yeah then went over to my another aunt's house for dinner and gambling again. And oh my gahhhh, had abalone porridge which was S U P E R good, I had two bowls of it hehehehe ! I really enjoyed day three because I would normally be gambling with the rest, however I took a break and went up to talk to my cousins. We had a really great time sharing and I'm glad because we were all very open and willing to listen as well as share ^^ Fourth day was church service in the morning and then went over to Yiroon's house and impromptu visiting to French's house ! Really enjoyed my time at French's house gambling and we played truth or dare. Intimate moments were shared during the truth or dare session and I guess I was happy that night ? However, that happiness didn't last for long......
Yup, we quarreled again. I really have no idea what you're thinking ( you know who you are ) and I don't know what you want from me. One moment you're telling me you still love me and you do think of wanting to get back together with me but another you're just so sian sian when talking to me and don't even seem to be putting in effort. Please make up your mind and tell me what you want. I'm freaking confused already and I really can't take all of this shit anymore. I have no idea why but I feel as if I'm the one that's constantly putting in effort to keep this friendship or whatever ship going. Whatever man. If you need me in your life then put me there. If not then just tell me and I'll just not care about you anymore. It's true when I think about what they told me. "He doesn't love you. He doesn't know what it means to love you." I am starting to really hate myself again for putting myself through this entire shit. Why do I forgive you time and time again ? I saw someone tweet this and I find it true "I wonder how many times we forgive someone just because we don't want to lose them even if they don't deserve our forgiveness." They all tell me you don't deserve all my care and my time but I didn't listen. They asked me why I kept forgiving you ? They reminded me of all the incidents of how you disappointed me when we were still together. They told me I forgave you so many times but still you choose to hurt me so why am I still caring for you ? This is exactly what I'm confused about. At times I really feel like just deleting you from my life but it's not as easy as it seems. I always have this soft spot for you and that's what I hate about myself. I read this caption on Multifolds' Instagram and I agree with it "I tried to figure out why you mean so much to me. I couldn't think of a single reason because there are just too many." Sigh. There are times when I cry so hard over you and I tell myself that I will never want to talk to you again in case I fall back and hurt myself but there are also times where I just miss you and miss everything. There are also times where I really feel like slapping you so hard and tell you to wake up. But, really, would I even do that ? I think I'll probably end up crying because I'm too angry. And that is what has been happening recently. I get super angry and super upset at your actions that I end up crying because I have no idea what to do. Seriously man, if you're reading this, just text me and tell me what you want from me. Don't tell me you want to be friends and end up hugging me when we meet. Don't tell me you want me back but end up not putting in a single effort. Don't tell me you need me in your life but don't put me there. Make a decision.
On a side note. the movie ABTM 3 is super good ! You all should go and watch it (:
Hehehe so yup, that's all for this post. Thanks for reading and bye bye ^^
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