Hello everyone ! (:
I'm back again with another blog post ^^ So now is like the CNY period and the past few days of cny visiting and all has been great ! (: Although I sleep suuuuper late the past few days, I still enjoyed visiting and gambling and definitely eating all the SUPER good food hehehe :p It's a yearly affair that my family would visit my dad's side and we would stay until 2+ or 3am gambling. And it's a standard thing for us to have bee hoon with eggs for supper and tea as well ! Every year chinese new year confirm have these few things ! This year I didn't really win a lot of money, in fact, I lost. But it's okay, play pay only la (:
Went to my grandparent's house on the first day for lunch before heading over to my uncle's place for dinner ! Kind of like the standard thing as well :3 Then second day is lunch at my aunt's place ( mum side ) before going to my another aunt's place ( dad side ) for dinner and gambling till late late. Third day we went to my aunt's place just for chit chat, super impromptu but yeah then went over to my another aunt's house for dinner and gambling again. And oh my gahhhh, had abalone porridge which was S U P E R good, I had two bowls of it hehehehe ! I really enjoyed day three because I would normally be gambling with the rest, however I took a break and went up to talk to my cousins. We had a really great time sharing and I'm glad because we were all very open and willing to listen as well as share ^^ Fourth day was church service in the morning and then went over to Yiroon's house and impromptu visiting to French's house ! Really enjoyed my time at French's house gambling and we played truth or dare. Intimate moments were shared during the truth or dare session and I guess I was happy that night ? However, that happiness didn't last for long......
Yup, we quarreled again. I really have no idea what you're thinking ( you know who you are ) and I don't know what you want from me. One moment you're telling me you still love me and you do think of wanting to get back together with me but another you're just so sian sian when talking to me and don't even seem to be putting in effort. Please make up your mind and tell me what you want. I'm freaking confused already and I really can't take all of this shit anymore. I have no idea why but I feel as if I'm the one that's constantly putting in effort to keep this friendship or whatever ship going. Whatever man. If you need me in your life then put me there. If not then just tell me and I'll just not care about you anymore. It's true when I think about what they told me. "He doesn't love you. He doesn't know what it means to love you." I am starting to really hate myself again for putting myself through this entire shit. Why do I forgive you time and time again ? I saw someone tweet this and I find it true "I wonder how many times we forgive someone just because we don't want to lose them even if they don't deserve our forgiveness." They all tell me you don't deserve all my care and my time but I didn't listen. They asked me why I kept forgiving you ? They reminded me of all the incidents of how you disappointed me when we were still together. They told me I forgave you so many times but still you choose to hurt me so why am I still caring for you ? This is exactly what I'm confused about. At times I really feel like just deleting you from my life but it's not as easy as it seems. I always have this soft spot for you and that's what I hate about myself. I read this caption on Multifolds' Instagram and I agree with it "I tried to figure out why you mean so much to me. I couldn't think of a single reason because there are just too many." Sigh. There are times when I cry so hard over you and I tell myself that I will never want to talk to you again in case I fall back and hurt myself but there are also times where I just miss you and miss everything. There are also times where I really feel like slapping you so hard and tell you to wake up. But, really, would I even do that ? I think I'll probably end up crying because I'm too angry. And that is what has been happening recently. I get super angry and super upset at your actions that I end up crying because I have no idea what to do. Seriously man, if you're reading this, just text me and tell me what you want from me. Don't tell me you want to be friends and end up hugging me when we meet. Don't tell me you want me back but end up not putting in a single effort. Don't tell me you need me in your life but don't put me there. Make a decision.
On a side note. the movie ABTM 3 is super good ! You all should go and watch it (:
Hehehe so yup, that's all for this post. Thanks for reading and bye bye ^^
Tuesday, 24 February 2015
Monday, 9 February 2015
+/-
Hello everyone (:
I'm back again ! And this time, I have both positive and negative stuff to share and thus the title :3 Shall start with the happy things first (:
So I've got a new job ! I quit my previous job due to some personal issues and I didn't think I would find a job so fast cos I'm super lazy one but you see, when you honour God with your decisions, He will open new doors for you and yay I got a job ! The boss called me on Friday to talk to me and after saying a lot of stuff, I asked how much the pay was and she told me $6/hr. I was like 'Errrrr I'm sorry but I'm looking for at least $7/hr' and she was like 'Oh okay. I'll ask my daughter about it and if I call you back means okay la can $7/hr.' And so I waited for her call and like on Saturday, close to 2am in the morning, she called me back and said they can pay me $7/hr so yay !!!! I was happy because I got a job ! Though the pay is lesser than what my previous job offered, at least I'm having so much more fun and there's a direct bus from my house to my workplace which is just at pasir ris ! So near and super convenient (: Plus point is, there isn't any uniform and the people at my current workplace are all really nice and really helpful. My boss is nice as well ! Also, I don't have to take orders from customers and don't really have to entertain them that much hehehe :3 Working hours are not a lot as well. Currently working 3 hours on weekdays ( 3 days ) and 6 hours on Sunday. The 6 hours is like 12-3 and 6-9. So I have like a 3 hour break hehehehe. The last Sunday, I went to have lunch at Fish n Co with Zijian, a good friend I met through mission trip. He noticed that I was moody and tearing on the bus on the way to Malaysia on the first day of mission trip and he was the first to ask if I was okay. I was pretty shock actually when he came to sit beside me and talk to me because the bus we were on was big and there were tons of other empty seats but he chose to sit with me and comfort me. I was really grateful and yes, we are just purely good friends. So yup, we ate and catch up over good food and ice cream after that (: And I guess this coming Sunday would be the last time I'm working from 6-9 on Sundays because my mum say Sunday don't work so long. 3 hrs can already cos she's only free on Sundays and she wants me to go shopping with her so yeappp ! Oh ya ! I also learnt how to make drinks on my first day of work which was Sunday la ! I enjoy making drinks so much cos so fun and so cool ! And hor, whenever I'm thirsty right, I can always just make a drink for myself. My boss always say 'Shannon ! If you thirsty, just help yourself to the drinks ok !' Hahaha and yeah, the drink I always make for myself is Thai Ice Tea cos it's suuuuuper nice hehehe ^^ Still need to learn how to differentiate which food is which so I will be able to help more on the kitchen side. But still, my colleagues always help me one. They so helpful la I'm so blessed. Even the kitchen cook as well. Though they can't really speak english fluently ( they speak Thai !!! ), they still are patient with teaching me so woohoo !
Ok so that's the happy stuff. The sad stuff is that sigh, I'm really sick and tired of quarreling with you. You know who you are and ugh, I'm really tired already. I know you are too. I can't help it but always get remembered of how many girls you talk to and how you're oovooing this one girl almost every single night. You tell me you're sorry and that you need a friend like me but are you even sincere ? You tell me you've changed but have you ? I really have a super bad impression of those people that took you away from me. But ugh, which guy can get ' taken away' unless he's willing right ? And honestly, it really hurts me to know that you've been saying all those shit behind my back to other people. And you're saying them so that you will look like the good person when you yourself know and even admit that you're the one at fault. I'm not totally putting the blame on you because I know I'm at fault too as well for some of the stuff. But seriously, talking bad about me to your friends just so that you won't look bad is just..........ridiculous. How I wish those people know about all this because you make me seem as if I'm the worst person on earth when I really am not. Sigh. How I wish I have the chance to talk to every single one of those people you've talked bad about me too and change their impression of me. But obviously, I can't. And even if I have the chance too, the first impression you gave them of me is bad and it's hard to change already. Oh wells. And how I wished I actually kept every single thing to myself and not say anything to my friends. Then I'll die of sadness and die of hurt which will probably be good as well. I wouldn't have to handle all the shit thrown at me. I wouldn't have to go through such depressing times. I wouldn't have to cry myself to sleep so many times. I wouldn't have to go all out to defend you and protect you when people say bad stuff about you. I wouldn't be so depressed. I wouldn't have to handle jealousy. I wouldn't have to keep worrying if you're ever gonna leave me. I wouldn't have to go through so many quarrels with you. I wouldn't have to keep trying and trying to savage the r/s. I wouldn't have to tire myself everyday thinking of what to do to stop being so depressed. I wouldn't have to keep worrying when you get drunk. I wouldn't have to worry whether something has happened to you or not when you don't reply me. I wouldn't have to constantly worry and think if I'm good enough for you. I wouldn't have to go through hurt and be reminded of everything again when people ask if we're still together. And maybe I should died earlier so that we would end on a good note and you'll probably still cry over my dead body unlike now. Because if I die now, you would be happy because I'm gone. You'll be happier without me which kinda sucks to me because all I ever wanted was to bring out the best in you and make sure you're the happiest guy on earth when you're with me. However, I failed. I failed to bring you happiness. Ugh, this sucks so much because I really hate to be so negative. And I hate it even more when I'm thinking of suicidal thoughts. Sigh. When will all this ever stop ? ): Don't tell me you're sorry and you need me when you don't prove it. Please prove yourself. Your actions means a whole lot.............
Sigh, in need of a really big, long and tight hug. Like a really long one. Haven't got one for quite awhile already and ahhhh, I really need that right now. Someone pls ): Pineapple tarts would really make my day better as well ): Choir concert later, hopefully I'll be happy. And I don't wanna go home so early, I guess I'll walk around the esplanade alone if the rest wants to go back first. It will be late and dark but who cares, I need some kind of therapy.
Valentines Day in another 4 days. What's gonna happen on that day ? Any surprises ? Any gifts ? I guess not but at least I know I'm gonna give and I'm gonna find joy in giving.
That's all for this blog post. Bye bye (:
I'm back again ! And this time, I have both positive and negative stuff to share and thus the title :3 Shall start with the happy things first (:
So I've got a new job ! I quit my previous job due to some personal issues and I didn't think I would find a job so fast cos I'm super lazy one but you see, when you honour God with your decisions, He will open new doors for you and yay I got a job ! The boss called me on Friday to talk to me and after saying a lot of stuff, I asked how much the pay was and she told me $6/hr. I was like 'Errrrr I'm sorry but I'm looking for at least $7/hr' and she was like 'Oh okay. I'll ask my daughter about it and if I call you back means okay la can $7/hr.' And so I waited for her call and like on Saturday, close to 2am in the morning, she called me back and said they can pay me $7/hr so yay !!!! I was happy because I got a job ! Though the pay is lesser than what my previous job offered, at least I'm having so much more fun and there's a direct bus from my house to my workplace which is just at pasir ris ! So near and super convenient (: Plus point is, there isn't any uniform and the people at my current workplace are all really nice and really helpful. My boss is nice as well ! Also, I don't have to take orders from customers and don't really have to entertain them that much hehehe :3 Working hours are not a lot as well. Currently working 3 hours on weekdays ( 3 days ) and 6 hours on Sunday. The 6 hours is like 12-3 and 6-9. So I have like a 3 hour break hehehehe. The last Sunday, I went to have lunch at Fish n Co with Zijian, a good friend I met through mission trip. He noticed that I was moody and tearing on the bus on the way to Malaysia on the first day of mission trip and he was the first to ask if I was okay. I was pretty shock actually when he came to sit beside me and talk to me because the bus we were on was big and there were tons of other empty seats but he chose to sit with me and comfort me. I was really grateful and yes, we are just purely good friends. So yup, we ate and catch up over good food and ice cream after that (: And I guess this coming Sunday would be the last time I'm working from 6-9 on Sundays because my mum say Sunday don't work so long. 3 hrs can already cos she's only free on Sundays and she wants me to go shopping with her so yeappp ! Oh ya ! I also learnt how to make drinks on my first day of work which was Sunday la ! I enjoy making drinks so much cos so fun and so cool ! And hor, whenever I'm thirsty right, I can always just make a drink for myself. My boss always say 'Shannon ! If you thirsty, just help yourself to the drinks ok !' Hahaha and yeah, the drink I always make for myself is Thai Ice Tea cos it's suuuuuper nice hehehe ^^ Still need to learn how to differentiate which food is which so I will be able to help more on the kitchen side. But still, my colleagues always help me one. They so helpful la I'm so blessed. Even the kitchen cook as well. Though they can't really speak english fluently ( they speak Thai !!! ), they still are patient with teaching me so woohoo !
Ok so that's the happy stuff. The sad stuff is that sigh, I'm really sick and tired of quarreling with you. You know who you are and ugh, I'm really tired already. I know you are too. I can't help it but always get remembered of how many girls you talk to and how you're oovooing this one girl almost every single night. You tell me you're sorry and that you need a friend like me but are you even sincere ? You tell me you've changed but have you ? I really have a super bad impression of those people that took you away from me. But ugh, which guy can get ' taken away' unless he's willing right ? And honestly, it really hurts me to know that you've been saying all those shit behind my back to other people. And you're saying them so that you will look like the good person when you yourself know and even admit that you're the one at fault. I'm not totally putting the blame on you because I know I'm at fault too as well for some of the stuff. But seriously, talking bad about me to your friends just so that you won't look bad is just..........ridiculous. How I wish those people know about all this because you make me seem as if I'm the worst person on earth when I really am not. Sigh. How I wish I have the chance to talk to every single one of those people you've talked bad about me too and change their impression of me. But obviously, I can't. And even if I have the chance too, the first impression you gave them of me is bad and it's hard to change already. Oh wells. And how I wished I actually kept every single thing to myself and not say anything to my friends. Then I'll die of sadness and die of hurt which will probably be good as well. I wouldn't have to handle all the shit thrown at me. I wouldn't have to go through such depressing times. I wouldn't have to cry myself to sleep so many times. I wouldn't have to go all out to defend you and protect you when people say bad stuff about you. I wouldn't be so depressed. I wouldn't have to handle jealousy. I wouldn't have to keep worrying if you're ever gonna leave me. I wouldn't have to go through so many quarrels with you. I wouldn't have to keep trying and trying to savage the r/s. I wouldn't have to tire myself everyday thinking of what to do to stop being so depressed. I wouldn't have to keep worrying when you get drunk. I wouldn't have to worry whether something has happened to you or not when you don't reply me. I wouldn't have to constantly worry and think if I'm good enough for you. I wouldn't have to go through hurt and be reminded of everything again when people ask if we're still together. And maybe I should died earlier so that we would end on a good note and you'll probably still cry over my dead body unlike now. Because if I die now, you would be happy because I'm gone. You'll be happier without me which kinda sucks to me because all I ever wanted was to bring out the best in you and make sure you're the happiest guy on earth when you're with me. However, I failed. I failed to bring you happiness. Ugh, this sucks so much because I really hate to be so negative. And I hate it even more when I'm thinking of suicidal thoughts. Sigh. When will all this ever stop ? ): Don't tell me you're sorry and you need me when you don't prove it. Please prove yourself. Your actions means a whole lot.............
Sigh, in need of a really big, long and tight hug. Like a really long one. Haven't got one for quite awhile already and ahhhh, I really need that right now. Someone pls ): Pineapple tarts would really make my day better as well ): Choir concert later, hopefully I'll be happy. And I don't wanna go home so early, I guess I'll walk around the esplanade alone if the rest wants to go back first. It will be late and dark but who cares, I need some kind of therapy.
Valentines Day in another 4 days. What's gonna happen on that day ? Any surprises ? Any gifts ? I guess not but at least I know I'm gonna give and I'm gonna find joy in giving.
That's all for this blog post. Bye bye (:
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