05/04/15

A little love,

A little encouragement,

Goes a long long way. 

Especially at times like this when I need it the most,

There's none at all. 

Where are you ?

Insecurities.

(( this post contains vulgar content ))

It sucks though.
Sometimes like quick sand.
You struggle  to deal with it, and it just pulls you in deeper.
I often ask myself,
"Why so insecure leh ?"
"Why find it so hard to be confident ?"
"Just be yourself la."
I tried, I really did.
But it still affects me a hell lot.
And I wonder how the heck did my insecurities get so bad ?
I used to be fine.
I used to be so happy with everything in my life.
Everything also happy-go-lucky., don't care one.
What the heck happened ?
I thought to myself, what could make this better ?
These insecurities need to stop because it's affecting every aspect of my life.
But how ?
When people's actions show that you aren't worth anything.
When people couldn't give two shits about you.
When all they do is just judge and talk shit about you.
Then I ask myself,
Why the fuck do I depend on others for self worth ?
Fuck this.
I'll learn to deal with this in time.
I'll just be my own source of encouragement.
I'll get better at this.
I also do need to learn to give less fucks.
No one cares about how you feel.
Not even the people whom you care a lot for.
So why the heck get so bothered by their words right ?
Idk why I'm so upset when I talk about this.
It's just been bothering me.
Ugh.
So done.
Goodbye.

31/03/16

Conflicted feelings, conflicted thoughts.
All tied up in a knot.
If only it is that easy,
To not always feel this lousy.
I've tried many ways,
Telling myself it's okay.
Sure, it got better,
Though I wish that that it could happen faster.
Still, there are things that need to be done.
It cannot all go back to square one.
Still learning, still trying.
Fighting these inner demons till they're all gone.
But till then, it will be tough.
Perhaps I'm just a diamond in the rough.